Relative Something

*this* John W. Hays' take on things and experiences

Big Think

with 3 comments

I’m not sure about the trick of living in the moment while trying to make big decisions that have the potential of dramatically changing the rest of my life, but that is the reality that simmers beneath my every minute lately. As Cyndie slips ever deeper into focusing her time on caring for her parents, decisions being contemplated have the potential of defining whether we will stay on this property or go.

There is a challenging balance in a committed relationship of cultivating what we want together as a couple while also honoring each of our individual desires. That would be made a little easier if we both definitively knew what it was we wanted the rest of our functional years to look like.

I had no idea that our empty-nest years would lead to the gorgeous property we found that became our Wintervale. The seed for this dream originated from a supernatural meld of both Cyndie’s and my interests and experiences, but I would not have arrived at this point without her energy driving most of the outcomes.

That same inclination has me leaning toward following her lead again as her focus has changed, despite my heart increasingly being gripped by the sanctuary of the forests and fields, and beautiful log home where we’ve been living for the last seven years. If I could figure out a way to afford it, I’d stay here even if she moved in with her parents –sighting the year we lived apart when she moved to Boston as a case study precedent– but that might be at odds with achieving our best long-term joint effort.

Neither of us knows how well our health will hold out, how climate catastrophes will impact the coming years, whether our meager retirement accounts will protect us from the next recession, or what future life events will demand our attention, but those unknowns are all lumped into our thinking as we consider the big “what next.”

I want to also include the simple joys of standing still in the woods and listening to the natural sounds that surround me. Breathing in the forest aromas and feeling the reality of temperature and precipitation against my skin. Walking over the rise in our open fields to feel the wind when it blows, or the stillness when it doesn’t.

At the same time, I’ve lived in town and know the conveniences associated. I would welcome the opportunity to reduce our carbon footprint and return to riding my bike more than driving my car.

I tell ya, living in the moment of planning the future is one heck of a big think.



Written by johnwhays

January 12, 2020 at 8:57 am

3 Responses

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  1. My friend…some huge life decisions you’ve got there. My heart was touched and it brought tears to my eyes. The tears are full of compassion for the decisions you and Cyndie face at this time. Having just gone through what is ahead for you, I look back and realize with so much gratitude that I was fully supported in the decision I made. I will not lie…I tell you that I selfishly (selflessly ?) took care of whatever I had to take care of for my mom…sometimes at the expense of my own relationship. It is a strange time…you put your own feelings and relationships aside to honor the ones who gave you life. While you are in it you pray that everything you had…everything you built is strong enough to still be there when you come back…and John…it truly felt like an abandonment. Maybe I could have done things differently…it was truly the hardest thing I have ever done and in all honesty I could not have done it without the love and constant support of my partner. But I know those were lonely times.
    Deep down, you both know what you must do. Life truly is what we make it…and I know your bond is so strong that whatever you both decide you will weather this time…just like you have weathered so much together. If you EVER need to…reach out to me. I may not have all the answers, but I’ve been there…and done that!
    Much love and light to you and Cyndie ❤


    January 12, 2020 at 1:23 pm

    • Thank you for sharing your understanding born of experience, Lorrie. Precious words such as you have shared are one reason we are moved to write personal blog posts and the web of connections revealed become a sacred reward. I am comforted to have you as a resource and WILL keep you in mind for times of need. Bless you!


      January 12, 2020 at 1:31 pm

      • Thank you, John. I feel for you both. What we did was the hardest thing I have ever done…and yet it was also the most rewarding. I am in the process of writing my (first) book about that time…and it is so apropos that my first book would be about my mom!
        I truly am here for you both…whatever you may need!
        Sweet Blessings


        January 12, 2020 at 1:35 pm

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