Relative Something

*this* John W. Hays' take on things and experiences

Rehoming Horses

with 6 comments

In less than a week, they will be gone. Our three horses are returning to the home from which they traveled when they came to us back in the fall of 2013. There is an invisible gloom darkening the energy around here of late. It feels eerily similar to the dreadful grief we endured after Legacy’s death in January of last year.

Happiness still exists, we just aren’t feeling it much these days.

Cyndie spent hours grooming the horses yesterday. I found myself incapable of going near them. It’s as if I’m preparing myself in advance for their absence. This place just won’t be the same without them.

For now, we still have the chickens. With the snow cover receding, and hours of daylight increasing, they are expanding their range again, scouring the grounds for scrumptious things to eat from the earth. It is my hope that they are getting an early start on decimating the tick population around here.

After Cyndie said she picked seven eggs yesterday, I asked if we were getting ahead of our rate of consumption yet. Almost three dozen, she reported!

Spring has definitely sprung.

I walked the grounds yesterday to survey the flow of water draining from the melting snow. We are benefiting greatly from overnight freezes that have slowed the process enough that no single place is being inundated now. It was the heavy rain falling on the deep snow that led to the barn flood last week. We’ve had little precipitation since, and that has helped a lot.

There are a couple of spots where the flow has meandered beyond the modest constraints in place to facilitate orderly transfer, mainly due to the dense snow that still plugs up the ditches and culverts.

Water definitely chooses to flow the path of least resistance.

I can relate to that. It feels like our life here is changing course in search of a new outlet for our energy to flow. Part of me feels like there should be a rehoming of ourselves, except we have no home to which we would return.

In a strange way, it’s as if I am experiencing a similar avoidance of being with myself, like the way I couldn’t bring myself to stand among the horses yesterday.

If this is not the place where I belong, then I already don’t want to be here any more. Unfortunately, there is nowhere I’d rather be right now.

When buds pop, and leaves sprout, I will breathe in our forest air. That will help.

But it won’t be the same without our horses.



Written by johnwhays

March 23, 2019 at 6:36 am

6 Responses

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  1. Feeling your angst. A definite uneasiness in my stomach while reading your words.

    Jim Parker (@drjparker)

    March 24, 2019 at 11:31 am

    • Appreciate your empathizing, Jim. We expect good things will come of these changes, so that soothes some of our angst.


      March 24, 2019 at 6:23 pm

  2. Re, you remind me of rich parents that ‘adopt’ children and then return them to the foster home – ( I hate those seemingly false people – you know, you come to belong to those that don’t have what it takes – cause more hurt than help, not having weighed up their commitments.

    The easy way has never characterised you yet, John – I have listened to all your MOANINGS and GROANINGS patiently that don’t in anyway befit you – in my opinion. The Indians talk of Karma – past behaviours that haunt us no end but we are here to shake off. Can’t you shake off your negativity when it really counts!!! That said, we know the road less travelled is far from easy, but isn’t it the road we live for? You do incredible things that are beautiful yet make no sense in the present way of thinking. Many people die before they gain recognition. As Linda K., explains they understand the notion of Cathedral Thinking, And I love those things; live for those things!!! The sense that TRUTH will prevail. You are possibly on the crest of the steepest hill and about to reach the top. Sometimes we get there and people DO see the light and come together like never before but, of course, we can fold and cease to exist. Yet before that, we’d prepare the ground for those to come. Otherwise, what are you going to live for afterwards???? So much exposure to life and now, what might face you – the living dead? Something that you have battled so valiantly to conquer.

    I confess that much of my life was spent ‘voting with my feet’, but, today, it makes sense to stand our ground – soon there may not be any place left to go, not only for us but those to come. I think that what we are striving for is Sanctuary Thinking – something worth living and dying for. In short, it pains me to think of you throwing everything to the wind; knowing how you are also the winds of change. Love you both, Ian.

    Ian Rowcliffe

    March 23, 2019 at 9:30 am

    • I just don’t know how to respond to this, my brother. I love that you are able to express your perceptions so richly. Thank you for your patience.

      I like to think our experiences of the past 6 years has prepared/is preparing us for whatever next adventure awaits, even though we don’t yet know what that will be…


      March 24, 2019 at 10:42 am

      • Yep – have you considered selling up completely? You might consider selling the property, name and concept along with the horses. There may be some people who’d like to take things from where you have brought them, benefitting from all the work you have put in. That could be a win-win scenario, where you could put your experience to good use. Maybe sound out the Linda K connection… Excuse me if I am commenting too much – I can only imagine how hard all this must be for you both.

        Ian Rowcliffe

        March 24, 2019 at 5:56 pm

      • That did enter our thinking, but after consulting with our children, the consensus reached was to take one step at a time.
        I appreciate your perspective. You have always been a great inspiration for us!!


        March 24, 2019 at 6:31 pm

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