Posts Tagged ‘Perceptions’
Life Review
We attended an incredibly moving memorial service yesterday, followed by a celebration of life for a man who made everyone feel as if they were his best friend. What a gift he was to us all. Rob White left us way too soon. I couldn’t help this feeling that I failed to communicate to him, in words, how great a guy he was to me. I have to rely on my sense of how large a percentage of our communication is non-verbal, and that he picked up on my vibe of appreciation for him. It is an honor to have known such a special person.
That leads me to the realization that we are all special people. I guess there are too many people in the world to come to know them all, even casually, let alone well enough to be bathed in each individual’s specialness. Luckily, love is boundless and unending, so I can endeavor to non-verbally communicate love to everyone, whether I know them or not. I am far short of words to adequately express how I feel to those of you who have come to mean the most to me. Being somewhat of a sequential processor, my failing to fully convey my love and appreciation in words to those closest to me would keep me from ever getting around to beginning to tell mere acquaintances, let alone total strangers.
Do other people find themselves mentally wandering into the “it’s all about me” thinking at ceremonies like weddings and funerals and subsequently processing their own life review? When I do it, there is an embarrassing sense of selfishness that comes with it, but it is in my nature. My life feels beyond my capacity to comprehend. Trying to remember things about my past tends to reveal how much of it I can’t recall at all. It is fragmented, and the pieces are disjointed.
I don’t need past lives to explore. I’ve got this mysterious one, right here. Who was I all those decades ago? I hope someone took pictures.
Even if I can’t recall every detail, I do carry that non-verbal sense, the “vibe” from all the people who have contributed to helping me become the person I am today. If I adjust my focus, I can notice that I feel the love of others, even when they haven’t verbally expressed it.
It goes both ways. If I can practice sending out love to the world of souls, I can also practice detecting the thoughts of love which I have been receiving from others. In the end, I think that just might be the more important of the two.
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Photo Essay
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winter snow sunlight afternoon shadows at Wintervale
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Winter Sunset
They’re all good, the sunsets, but on a crisp winter evening when you have a chance to be outside at the precise moment it drops below the horizon, it feels like it’s the best one ever seen. It was particularly nice having the tall grass soak up the low sunlight as it bent over in the wind. Fierce as this winter has been thus far, we haven’t gone completely without a few occasional precious days.
A pleasant day amid a rash of harsh weather becomes all the more precious.
It’s funny how our perspective changes when the reference point is shifted. Compared to the dramatic extremes of polar vortex winds and temperatures, a day in the 20s(F) without a lot of wind becomes a remarkably nice day.
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Is It?
Yesterday at work, I was describing the effort that was required over the weekend to clear snow from the entirety of our driveways, walk ways, and deck at Wintervale.
“Is it worth it?” the employee asked.
It didn’t take any time at all for me to switch from whining about all the work our enterprise demands of us, to the immediate acknowledgement, “Yes, it is absolutely worth it.”
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have moments of wondering how we got ourselves into this situation. More often than not, we are in over our heads with issues that exceed our knowledge and abilities. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If we would have waited until we knew how to do everything we have accomplished thus far, we’d still be sitting in the suburbs, staring out the window at the side of our neighbor’s garage wall.
On Sunday, Cyndie took this picture of me enjoying one of the views we have earned from our move to the country.
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Cold Advice
Right on schedule, the bitter cold arrived to seize the region in its icy grip. It is something of a shock when it happens in such a short time. The messy slop that was on our driveway Wednesday, became rock-hard glacial ice yesterday, after the temperature plummeted from above freezing, to well below in a matter of hours. As I was walking up the quarter-mile distance of our driveway after taking the trash bin to the road in the dark last night, I noticed myself flinching tight against the biting breeze.
Relaxing your muscles in reaction to extreme cold is a little secret of mine to bring a moment of warmth. I tried for years to get Cyndie to embrace this trick, but she was a very reluctant student of my teachings. I eventually came to discover that her level of discomfort in the cold was much more extreme than I ever would have guessed. When she told me she couldn’t feel her feet while we were trying to play racquetball after a short trip to the gym one winter, I took off her shoes and put her feet to my stomach. They were like solid blocks of ice! I was dumbfounded, and insisted we would buy her a pair of sensible insulated winter boots to replace the shoes she had been using.
With Venus and the crescent moon demanding attention in the sky above me, I took a breath and consciously willed my muscles to relax tension. Instantly, I felt a sensation of calm, the transition of which provides a pleasant side effect of the feeling of not being as cold as it just seemed. It is a mental game, really. A psychological ploy.
It got me to thinking about the fact that our friends from Guatemala, which we have invited to stay with us for a couple of weeks this month, might be interested in learning some steps to being comfortable while taking part in activities outdoors here in the winter.
• 1 – Drink Water – The first thing we were given when we arrived at Sue and Paul Schurke’s Wintergreen Lodge for a dogsledding vacation was a personal water bottle for each member of our family. Not only is staying optimally hydrated the best thing you can do for yourself in everyday life, it is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you should do in order to stay comfortable outdoors in the winter. If your urine output is more than a hint of yellow colored, you are short-changing yourself of the multitude of benefits of optimal hydration. Give your fingers and toes the best advantage toward staying warm outdoors on cold winter days by drinking enough water.
• 2 – Wear Layers – There are a variety of clothing options that can work, but the important aspect of layering is to choose base layers that wick body moisture away from the skin, a middle layer that insulates, and an outer shell that repels water of snow or rain. Depending on my activity, I will often forgo the outer shell and choose a wool shirt or sweater. Wool can absorb a lot of moisture and not feel wet, and it will keep on insulating. I prefer it because it breathes, instead of trapping my heat.
• 3 – Don’t Constrict – If you are going to take full advantage of being optimally hydrated, don’t constrict your blood flow by wearing boots, gloves, or clothing that are too tight. When I first put on Steger mukluks like the ones that were worn on Paul Schurke and Will Steger’s expedition to the North Pole, it felt completely wrong to me. It feels like wearing slippers outdoors. I got used to it very fast. My feet have never, ever gotten cold in the surprisingly comfortable Steger mukluks. Let your blood flow. Don’t think that an extra sock is worth it, if it makes the fit of your boot too tight. Better to skip the extra sock and allow your foot room to wiggle your toes. Mittens work better than gloves, because your fingers can wiggle all over the place, and they aren’t isolated from each other, so they can share their warmth.
• 4 – Don’t Sweat – The important reason for wearing layers is so you can begin to shed your covering when you generate so much heat that you begin to sweat. Keep in mind that this list is based on the assumption of dressing for outdoor activity. If you are active, you generate your own heat. If you want to stay warm, the wetness of your own sweat will work against your goal. Pace your activity, and open your clothing to adjust your body temperature in order to avoid getting wet from the inside out.
• 5 – Stay Dry – If you put effort into keeping your base layer dry, don’t waste it by letting your outer layer get wet. If it is precipitating, have a waterproof shell. If you are going to have a lot of contact with snow (sledding or making an igloo) have waterproof pants. Don’t spill your drinking water down your front. Avoid stepping into standing water or reaching into open water. I like it cold, because then the snow is dry. Water in winter is a bummer, unless you are drinking it. Lately, I am having a hard time dealing with handling buckets of water in the barn for the horses when it is single-digit cold. I don’t like water getting me wet in the winter.
• 6 – Pick Smart – Make smart choices when selecting winter wear. Wool is better than cotton. Jeans make terrible snow pants. A neck gator and good hat provide a huge amount of benefit for being such simple accessories. Get the right fit for everything. Take drinking water with you while you are outside. Eat a substantial healthy breakfast. Be prepared to deal with wind. Don’t forget to be active and have fun.
It amazes me to watch the horses deal with the cold of winter. Sure, their coats grow longer and thicker as the hours of daylight shorten, but that’s about it. Otherwise, they just stand out in it like any other day, butts into the wind. I wish it were that easy for us, but with rather simple preparation, it is possible to come pretty close. If you tend to the 6 points above, all that is left is finding the balance of activity that generates enough heat, and then you can be out all day long having so much fun, you never bother stopping to think about feeling cold.
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Language Barrier
It appears that I continue to be hampered by my limitation of being monolingual, when it comes to communicating with all our animals, and none of them are showing any signs of understanding a word I have been saying.
I kind of expect that from the cats. They are naturally aloof. Although, I haven’t tried too many phrases on them. Mostly, they just hear me repeat, over and over, “What do you want? What do you want?”
Delilah sometimes responds to single syllable commands, but she is inconsistent about it, so I don’t have much faith that she is actually interpreting the words or sentences I have used.
With the horses, I know I should be trying to move out of speaking just from my head, into trying to use my gut and heart energy more, but sometimes the message feels time sensitive and my words are the quickest tool I have. Most often, it is Legacy who I find myself face to face with, and my words have been eliciting a blank-stare response from him.
He seems as frustrated with me, as I am with him. I expect he is probably transmitting his messages to me loud and clear, but they aren’t coming through in plain english, so I am at a loss as to what he is trying to say.
Yesterday, he showed up at the other side of the fence while I was cleaning the ground in the paddock. For some reason, he started chewing on the fence post above the electric wire. Now, the wire is there to discourage them from chewing on the wood fence, so I was half-hoping that he might get too close and feel a shock that would teach him to leave it alone. He may have been just trying to show me that he could, that he was that good, he could work around our little deterrent.
I didn’t want him to do it, so I was feeling peeved. At first, I tried ignoring him, so he might notice it would gain him nothing with me. My frustration got the better of me, when he continued, so I walked over and told him not to chew on the post, and I slapped my hand on the top of the post a few times, to emphasize my point. When that didn’t alter his behavior, I stepped up again and pounded on the post and then told him I was angry. I wanted him to know in his language, so I put my hands on my head, to mimic horse ears, and I pinned them back, telling him, “See? This is how I feel about you chewing on the post. I am angry!”
He didn’t show obvious signs of reacting, so I brought my ‘hand-ears’ forward, so that he might understand they were supposed to be my ears, and with that, I startled the heck out of him! He pulled his head back, and took a couple of steps backward. I pinned my hands back again and told him I was angry!
It was funny, because the part he reacted to wasn’t supposed to be the threatening gesture. Regardless, it seemed to do the trick. I went back to scooping up manure, and he went back to grazing.
Apparently I know more horse language than I realized.
Mostly Unscathed
It is finally the last day of October. What took it so long to get here? Geesh. Trick or treat?
I was thinking it would be fun to do a surprising reversal of tradition and visit all our neighbors on this day to ring their doorbell and offer them a treat from us. Great idea, huh? Too bad that is all it is: an idea. I thought of it while tending to the animal-care chores all by myself during the time Cyndie has been out-of-town. Were she here, I could have tested the idea on her, whereupon she would become inspired to bake something incredible, and then the treat-full trick would be on.
Ah, but Cyndie is home now and the animals get to receive her masterful attention once again. I am happy to report that they all survived, mostly unscathed, under my care. The “lowlight” of the time I was the sole care giver was the morning I brought Delilah with me to the barn to feed the horses. She had been so good the day before, I figured she deserved a day off-leash. I had it in mind to do some work that would accommodate her roaming in the vicinity.
I left her enclosed in the barn while I was out under the overhang with the horses. I walked across the paddock to open a gate to the big field so the horses could wander out there after gulping down their feed. The “chestnut-three” were particularly squirrelly during the feeding, startling each other and doing their merry-go-round rotation of chasing each other off the feed pans.
Unbeknownst to me, Delilah was picking up on this through the wall of the barn. I shrugged it off. I had the gates opened that I wanted open, the feed distributed; my work was done here. I was prepared to take Delilah and move on to the next project I had planned. I was not attuned properly to our dog.
I cracked the barn door open enough to step out and Delilah bolted like she was shot from a cannon. She bee-lined a circle around the barn to where the horses were eating, despite my hollering to stop her. If none of the horses had moved a muscle, she would have barked a lot, but nothing would come of it, but the chestnuts were already on edge from their own shenanigans, so they jumped and ran when Delilah showed up. The chase was on.
It is such a helpless feeling when Delilah tunes us out and goes into predator mode. I shouted, the horses neighed, bucked, ran, and kicked, and Delilah barked and chased. The only result of that formula is escalation. Two of the horses headed out into the big field, but that just inspired Delilah more. She picked one out and stayed right on its heels. In the frantic moment, I wasn’t able to notice which horses she was picking on. Luckily, whoever it was, they ran back into the paddock again and I was eventually able to reclaim the dog’s attention and get her to come out of there. I unleashed my meanest alpha dog routine and rescinded her chance at frolicking off-leash that day.
After I put Delilah in her kennel, I returned to the horses to give them my humble apologies. They seemed to have already forgotten the incident. In fact, it appeared to have helped settled down the chestnuts, as they finally parked themselves, each at one of the 4 feed pans, and were now calmly munching away.
Here are a couple of shots from two distinctly different days:
Spunky Behaviors
I don’t know if it was the wind, or that the daytime temperatures rose into the 50s (F), but the horses were really charged up in the afternoon and evening yesterday.
Cyndie had fed them in the morning, and before she left for work she told me that she had opened two gates from the paddock, allowing the horses access to either the big field in front, or the small area behind it that is enclosed by temporary fencing. As I was heading out to visit the hardware store later, I noticed the herd had split, with the three chestnuts grazing in the big field and Legacy near them, but on the other side of a fence in the back area.
While I was out, I visited Fleet Farm for the first time since we moved here. The place has a whole new meaning to me now, compared to when we lived in the suburbs. I am not fond of shopping, so I do it as rarely as possible, but it works out because Cyndie shops enough for the both of us. In fact, I was surprised at how many items I recognized in the store as things Cyndie has “acquired” for the ranch in the last year.
When I pulled back into our driveway, I noticed right away that the horses were in the same location as when I left. It occurred to me when I saw them the first time, that they might not want to be separated, but had probably lost track of how they ended up on different sides of a fence. After parking my car at the house, I headed right down to see if I could guide them back together.
I think I was spot on about them not wanting to be separated like that, because when I showed Legacy that he had a wide open gate available to travel through the paddock out to the big field, much revelry ensued. The herd went a little nuts, galloping around at full power, leaping in the air and kicking up their heels. Do horses have heels? You know what I mean. It was a spectacularly fascinating sight, as well as a bit nerve-wracking. They were so wild I thought they might run into each other, or fail to pull up in time as they tried to “downshift” from a full sprint before running into a fence.
After that, it appeared that all the celebrating had put Cayenne in the mood for some specific attention from the boys. She did everything she could to egg them on, but other than a few brief hints that they noticed, the geldings showed no interest whatsoever. Back to grazing.
When the usual time for their afternoon feeding of grain rolled around, they walked into the paddock where I was working on bolstering my inadequate tree bark protection scheme, and they announced themselves with a whinny. I obliged them and went in the barn to get their grain. When I stepped out again, they were long gone, out in the big field again. No problem for me, I set out the feed pans and went back to work.
They did finally come back in, but they were uncharacteristically timid about going up under the overhang to get to the feed, which is where we have served it to them almost every time since they arrived here. Even after they broke down and walked up to munch, it was in a completely unsettled manner, and they either chased each other away while trying to get a bite, or all 4 would bolt in the well-practiced emergency evacuation drill.
It was probably just the wind, but I wouldn’t be surprised if their being separated –against their wishes– earlier in the day, was contributing to their nervous behaviors.
Healthy Perspective
It would be so great if we could get it all done. There are dead trees to be cut down, logs to be split, a trail to be improved, the round pen needs to be graded/raked, there is rusty barbed wire to be removed and new fencing to be installed in its place, waterways need to be cleared, motors need maintenance, paddocks need to be cleaned, horses need attention, our web site stalled at the “under construction” page… It goes on and on.
The challenge is to maintain a state of mind that is at peace with the reality of right now. 
There will always be more to do than we are able to get done. Each moment deserves our best selves to be present, regardless any number of unfinished projects awaiting our attention. There is an art to maintaining a healthy perspective about what matters most, and being able to radiate a positive peacefulness to people and animals around us.
It is not an art that I have strong skills at practicing, but I am motivated by a desire to not be the guy who short changes himself and others by devaluing the present moment by excessively fretting over all the things that haven’t happened yet.
October Cold
It doesn’t always work to compare one year with the next, and I was doing just that last week, as we approached the 1-year anniversary of moving to this fabulous property in Beldenville, WI. A few days after we arrived last year, the temperatures were warm and we cooked dinner outdoors over the fire, then went to sleep with our bedroom window open.
Yesterday, I went outside with my usual work gloves on and rather quickly discovered they were now insufficient. It is time for insulated gloves again. I assumed the air temperature would warm up as the day went on, but it seemed to just get colder. Clouds blocked the sun most of the time, giving the day a classic cold October look. I ended up involved in more outdoor activity than I really wanted, and my body started to absorb the chill as the hours accumulated. Snow fell on and off, occasionally dense enough to start to collect on surfaces.
There is something to the adjustment of our bodies to the environment, and in October, temperatures in the neighborhood of freezing feel painfully more cold than they do in March. Yesterday the outdoors were harsh and bitterly uncomfortable. In 5 months, the same temperatures will have us opening our coats and basking in the relief from the deep freeze.
The horses have started to grow out their thicker winter coat of hair, but it isn’t quite full yet, and the cold rain in October gets right through to their skin. We brought them into the barn on Sunday because they were shivering.
Last week, before the rain, Hunter showed up with a mud mask on. It looked like he was getting ready for Halloween at the end of the month. I wish I could have seen him in action when he did it. The finished product looks so perfectly applied that I’m thinking he had a mirror or something. Probably, he was trying to improve the insulating value on himself, in preparation for the October chill that felt so wicked out there yesterday.
Relative Something 