Posts Tagged ‘Love’
Far Away
This feels so far away from home. Breakfast on the lanai by the pool in shorts and a t-shirt is so mind-bogglingly different from my normal routine that I feel like this is a dream. Well, it is a dream, actually. We are living the dream.
Besides power-lounging the day away, the most work I did involved figuring out how to connect Fred and Marie’s smart TV to the internet so they could watch shows on Amazon Prime, and then helping Fred put air in his bike tires.
He hadn’t ridden the bike for about 2 years, but Marie told him other visitors have been using the bikes every year. He wanted to take a little ride, so we just added some air and off he went.
When we next saw him again an hour or so later, he reported he had gone for a short bike ride followed by a long walk. His front tire had blown out. First, he reported noticing a ticking sound as the wheel turned round and round. Then it POPPED!
Forensic analysis revealed a failure in the sidewall of the tire. The inner tube had ballooned out and was rubbing the brake with each revolution, until the rubber tube burst.
Turned out to be a pretty impressive level of activity for the guy turning 80 this weekend.
Otherwise, the afternoon became a blur of card games, napping, and floating in the pool. Cyndie served Barry and Carlos drinks by the pool.
Around dinner time, the surprises for Fred continued as Cyndie’s brother, Steve arrived. Then, after dessert had been served, her last brother, Ben appeared with his wife, Sara. The last secret had been revealed and the kids were all present.
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We sat around the table sharing life stories and lost our breath in laughter multiple times. Fred shared a memory of his 60th birthday when the kids all showed up for a surprise gathering on a ski vacation in the mountains out west. That year, they left spouses at home.
Cyndie and I have been married for 35 years and had dated off and on for 7 years before that, so I recognized plenty of the tales that were being recollected. Reliving the many stories reveals a weird combination of my being part of the family, but not being one of the family. I’m here, but I’m not as here here as they are, if that makes any sense.
One thing that is clear, we are noticeably far away from our home in Wisconsin right now.
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Two More
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Addendum: Why two days with no writing? Once again, I think I am following the adage, “if you can’t think of anything good to say, don’t say anything.” I don’t want to fall into the trap of over-focusing on the political, but my mind keeps getting stuck on our slow slide toward a kleptocracy which no one thus far seems able to do anything about. I’d rather focus on Love. .
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Lost Hope
I have discovered how important hope can be on the journey to optimal health. It occurred to me the other day that I have lost hope.
I’m sure it is still there, I just can’t find it right now.
Having an unfortunate first-hand experience with depression allows me to recognize how it is possible to live without hope. It is not a healthy place to live. On my journey to good health, I have learned that it is not in my best interest to reside in that space. I am regretfully comfortable in that place, maybe from having too many years of practice in existing that way, but I cannot afford to accommodate that outcome.
I will do some digging to find my hope again. It is a requirement.
Of that, I am acutely aware.
We cannot live on love alone. That is another thing I have come to realize.
I’m going to love finding my hope again.
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Love Works
Once again, our anecdotal evidence supports the theory that sending love to others produces loving positive outcomes in amplified proportions. Yesterday morning, while driving Cyndie through the misty-cold-gray weather to Lakeview Hospital in Stillwater, MN, we were both receiving messages of support and love for her scheduled surgery appointment for a knee replacement procedure.
Meanwhile, we were imaging thoughts of love and encouragement for the caregivers we were about to meet. Starting with the most convenient parking spot available at the entrance, all the way through the staff of every department of the hospital with which we had contact, we enjoyed the most pleasant of possible experiences.
The surgeon told me the procedure went perfectly, and by my perceptions, swiftly. Cyndie’s recovery from the anesthetics then proceeded smoothly and the big pain she felt coming on received prompt attention.
Speaking of prompt, they wasted no time in putting Cyndie to work on moving that knee and working the muscles of her leg. Within 5-hours of the completion of surgery a physical therapist was running her through 10-reps each of a variety of exercises, culminating with getting Cyndie to stand up on it and then walk out of her room to trek around the nurse’s station.
When you are in an uncritical frame of mind, it makes sense that you find less to feel critical about. As I drove into the darkness toward home later in the evening, I had a deep feeling of appreciation for how well the entire day had gone. We are so lucky to have access to such wonderful care.
It doesn’t hurt to also have some previous experience with joint replacement surgeries. Add to that, a lot of love from many directions and you end up with more grace than a human should be allowed.
In no time Cyndie will be hiking to and fro on our property again and Delilah will get back the walking partner she has been missing.
Keep sending love for Cyndie and her knee. It works wonders!
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Don’t Fear
I watched a movie last night that scared me, contributing to some unsettling dreams. It depicted one possible scenario for rural life after the power grid collapses. It’s not the kind of thing I’m inclined to focus on, but it could happen.
In the middle of the night, awakened by a startling dream, my thoughts began to wander to another thing that could happen. Our worst fears could be realized.
It starts with outrageously unlikely things that seem as though they could never happen. Then they do happen and the world somehow accepts it, allowing it to become a new normal. The first example that comes to mind for me is, “Ed TV.”
When that movie showed up in 1999, I thought it was too bizarre to be believable. A camera crew follows a person everywhere? Yeah, right. It made no sense to me. Then the reality television genre experienced an explosion of global popularity. It happened. Outrageous became the norm.
In 1998, I watched the unlikely gubernatorial election upset in my home state of Minnesota when former actor and professional wrestler Jesse Ventura surprisingly beat the two major-party candidates. Most people figured it was too outrageous to happen, but then it did.
With the bizarre outcome of the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, the outrageous has happened again. One fear many people have is that discrimination and bullying will be allowed to fester as (a not so new) normal.
I was wondering why safety, happiness, peace, and love don’t end up being the norm that naturally blossoms. It’s not where people automatically go without energy to make it so. It’s not hard to do, but it takes intentional effort to avoid succumbing to the lowest common denominator.
Let’s not allow worst fears to be realized. Put effort into loving everyone. Do not go silently into normalizing discrimination. Sow intentional peace and love in all your endeavors. Fear not.
Every time we manifest loving-kindness we increase the total amount of love in the world. The bounds of love we can produce is limitless. Our souls are able to love even in the hardest of times. But we have to put forth effort to make it happen.
Love is more powerful than fear when we allow it to be so.
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Recovering Slowly
It’s a process. I’m still sad about the embarrassing outcome of our election, but some of the shock and traumatic stress is wearing off. The commodity of a good night’s sleep, which I hold dear, is possible again after several disturbing bouts of disruption. It is a mental illness I know all too well that leaves me wide awake at oh-dark-thirty with unhelpful thoughts running rampant.
I know depression. The events that played out to even allow the President-elect to be a choice in the end was depressing enough, but for the voting results to prove there are that many people in this country who would accept his rhetoric as deserving nearly sent me back to my darkest place.
How can I live with that? I live among them. How do I deal with this disturbing reality?
Love.
It’s all I can do. I know how I recovered from my life of depression. I will work my program. I will send love in every direction. I will strive to love the men and women who believe things with which I disagree. I will find a way to send love to people who find solace in hate and fear. I have fears, too, but we don’t fear the same things and we don’t respond to our fears in the same way.
Nothing is as exclusive and extreme as our minds are inclined to perceive. There is “both” where we see “one or the other.” We tend to be more similar to those with whom we disagree than we want to admit, especially in times of conflict.
People are inclined to inflate a point in order to make it. It’s too bad humans haven’t instead worked to develop a keener sense of detecting a point so there would be no need for the inflation.
Spend a little more time around horses and you can witness the art of keen perception. You can also come to discover the incredible power and reach of a heart-field.
Our horses help me to send love everyday. They are tapped in. We put the soccer ball out for them yesterday because the weather was nice and they were showing signs of being in a playful mood. Legacy spent the most time testing out the odd obstacle while the mares focused on their grazing, well placed in comfortable proximity to him.
Hunter expectantly waited for a turn.
They eventually moved over the hill and left the ball alone for a while. When we came back after lunch, the ball was all the way down the slope up against the fence, so someone had been playing with it again.
I’m following their example and letting my perceived obstacle be ignored for a while. When I reclaim my heart center and bolster my love beams, I can approach the situation again to see what happens when I show up.
I am not any less of a person as a result of what happens around me, unless I choose to react poorly.
After some faltering, I’m choosing love.
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How
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that light
is too bright
especially at this time of night
I can feel my eyes
putting up a fight
with hopes of saving
some small shred of sight
despite the unwelcome fright
of seeing what just might
transpire
I cannot understand
how so many people
would knowingly raise their hand
in support of one particular man
who has demonstrated time and again
so many traits unpleasant
while he repeatedly fanned
flames of hate, fear, and banned
good sense or even
complete sentences of real plans
just a catch phrase or two
bullying braggadocio
rising on the worst
his cultivations rehearsed
to prey on some rabid thirst
void of real love and honesty
what remains is some kind of curse
how?
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Some Days
Yesterday at work I found myself a little short of feeling like my best. Was it simply a result of it being a Monday? Possibly. More likely, it had something to do with a sub-par night’s sleep. I couldn’t get myself to turn off the Cubbies Sunday night as they eked out a victory in game 5 of the World Series. That kept me up past my bedtime.
In addition, my days of having the whole bed to myself came to an end when Cyndie arrived home from visiting the Morales family in Guatemala in the wee hours of oh-dark-thirty. That’s about the worst time of night to have a sleep cycle interrupted.
As I sat at my desk trying to shake out the cobwebs, the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should have just stayed home for the day. It wasn’t anything physical. I felt fine, I just didn’t feel all that… fine.
Then an issue needed to be addressed, and another, and another. Good thing I didn’t stay home. I may not have been my best, but I was present and available to at least contribute in the moment. Some days we need to allow ourselves to accept this as good enough. Half-speed is better than no speed at all when there is work to be done.
So, Cyndie got home in the middle of the night and I left for work in the dark of morning. She was back, but I hadn’t seen her yet, so I was getting excited to get home. I had no idea I would find this:
She had a fire in the fireplace and the kitchen filled with the aroma of fresh-baked cookies, there were scones she’d baked for breakfast, and that bread was rising on the stove. Oh, and it was nice to be able to see her, too.
As it was, a day that started out less than fine, turned out pretty darn good in the end.
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Relative Something 