Relative Something

Obviously, we are all individuals, but there is no denying that people are pretty easily grouped for any number of reasons, one of which being, it’s just plain fun to do!

The other day, I decided there are three kinds of people. Those who grab a knob to open a drawer or a closet door without ever noticing the knob is spinning loose —causing it to get worse with every use, …those who try to fix loose knobs by tightening it until the threads strip —making it impossible to ever fix, …and those who are aware of the situation before they ever grab a knob —leading to handling it in such a way it doesn’t spin loose every time or causing thread damage when snugging it up when needed.

It is a known fact that there are two kinds of drivers other than ourselves: Maniacs who drive faster than us and idiots who drive slower. I’m gaining plenty of experience with driving styles during my hour-long commutes to and from work.

Seems to me there are three groups of people in the left/fast/passing lane of the expressway: Those who pick their comfortable speed and stay put, oblivious to what other cars around them are seeking to do, …those who pick a speed below what other fast lane drivers prefer, staying in the left lane no matter what, as if to spite anyone behind them who wishes to drive faster, …and those who drive in the left lane while passing slower cars, but notice immediately if someone approaches from behind at a greater speed, in which case this third group of drivers will move over at the earliest opportunity to allow the faster driver to proceed past.

It’s not rocket science, people.

For grouping people in the world, I think 3 is the ideal number. Splitting us into 2 groups is too easy. Anything more than 3 becomes an exercise in “where do you stop?” If you break it down into 4, you may as well go to 5. Oh, heck, why stop there?

See? Three is perfect.

On people’s opinions about a roll of toilet paper: Those who believe it should be mounted to roll off the top, …those who believe it should roll off the bottom, …and those who don’t give a flying eff what direction it comes from. (Okay, sometimes 4 isn’t all bad… those who say, “Toilet paper? A place to mount it? I wish!”)

Mostly, there are three kinds of people in the world.

I tend to see myself as residing somewhere in the group between the maniacs and the idiots.

Don’t we all?

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