Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Wondering Aloud
Cyndie and I have recently found ourselves pondering the limitations of our ability to love someone out of their predicament. It gets downright frustrating to watch others destroy their own lives despite a wealth of loving family support desperately wanting to help.
Frustration Builds to Anger
I think part of the challenge for us is the struggle of overcoming anger that builds up in us from witnessing the neglect of self, and abuse of others, dished out by people in need who choose to ignore all common sense offers of assistance. By our own philosophy, we want to be sending a flood of love to all others, even if they are making us angry. That gets hard to do sometimes.
As a person who lived with a dysfunctional mindset of depression for many, many years, I recognize how self-focused a person with mental illness can become. I understand that the person with mental illness doesn’t logically perceive how much pain and sorrow they inflict on those who dearly love them, especially family. Heck, even if the message were to make it through, it could well be insufficient to inspire a change toward choosing to become healthy in response.
Yes, family seems to receive the brunt of our worst selves, even when they are the ones to whom we are most attached. Well, for that matter, even our own selves tend to become the target of our worst. That’s how these predicaments get started in the first place!
Cyndie and I understand that the only person we can change is ourselves. As a parent, it became one of the driving forces for me to want to become the healthiest I can be. I couldn’t force my children to love themselves and make healthy decisions, but I could make that a goal for myself. Doing so became an influence on my relationship with Cyndie. Our subsequent couples therapy and efforts to grow toward the healthiest possible relationship then imbued our household with that intentional energy.
I can’t say for sure that it is responsible for healthy choices our now grown children have demonstrated thus far in their lives, but I no longer see my past dysfunctional behaviors reflected back to me like I began to experience when they were young and I was ill.
Healthy Choice of Sending Love
The exercise that Cyndie and I talked about wanting to embrace last night is to emulate the confidence of our precious friend, Dunia, and not let our feelings of frustration and anger sidetrack our good intentions of wholeheartedly loving those dear to us who are not of a mind to love themselves. We want to send love with the fullest belief in the power of that love to make a healthy difference.
You see, doing so is an act of making us healthier. We can’t make others choose health. That is their responsibility. We can know we are honestly providing loving energy and by focusing on that, overcome the interference of frustration and anger over things we cannot control.
It doesn’t hurt to have a place like this blog where we can vent some extra frustration now and then. It allows us to let go of that which no longer serves and regain a balanced perspective in love.
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Embrace Change
Is it possible to fully understand the vast number of worlds and details of lives to which we have, at best, limited exposure? Not that we are supposed to. How often are decisions made, despite an honest comprehension and acceptance of how little we are actually aware?
What can one individual really expect to grasp of the full range of issues and disciplines at play in the world? Let me see how many I can leave out by failing to mention…
Starting nowhere in particular, …medicine. Pharmacies. Hospitals, patient care, insurance, finance, facility maintenance, emergency management, legal advice, illegal gambling, addiction, recovery, psychiatry, academia, higher education, childhood education, reverse mortgages, home construction, plea bargaining, coupon shopping, fuel additives, auto sales, product placement, advertising, manufacturing, shipping, travel, cultural sensitivity, political ambitions, mathematical odds, gravitational waves, electron microscopes, archaeological mapping, district boundaries, city planning, manure management, religious zealotry, emotional manipulation, theater production, recording industry, music licensing, athletic training, team building, volunteerism, broadcast journalism, pain management, nutrition supplements, insulin, scar tissue, therapeutic massage, skin grafts.
Demolition, trucking, forest management, bear hunting, bird migration, traditional celebrations, sleep deprivation, common misconceptions, in-depth investigation, maintaining confidentiality, healthy intervention, interior decoration, retail product purchasing, industrial scale food production, buying fabric, spinning yarn, nailing crossbeams, laying foundations, paving highways, recognizing symptoms, healing psychological wounds, making amends, raising children, caring for elders, predicting the weather, creating complex spreadsheets, coding software, upgrading hardware, saving lost data, creating historical records, storing precious documents, managing a bank, growing wealth, affordable healthcare, establishing a fair tax.
Proper shoes for walking, insoles both firm and cushy, camping gear, college years, immigration, negotiation, land management, proper drainage, flood mitigation, product liability, instant gratification, adequate illumination, mineral rights, engine displacement, performance enhancing drugs, commercial sponsorship, codependent relationships, legal guardianship, adoption, acting, directing, angel investors, screenplay writing, sky writing, stunt flying, flight instruction, ground rules, ruling parties, parting ways, space exploration, deep-sea diving, grant writing, non-profit organizations, managing foundations, educating the masses, bullshit detection.
Historical re-enactments, religious interpretation, traditional hymns, learned behaviors, family bias, class divides, social acceptance, criminal negligence, healthy confrontation, anger management, pet care, pest control, toilet training, Oedipal complex, renal failure, clogged arteries, plugged drains, drain fields, debt manipulation, cosmetic dentistry, animal husbandry, oral history, re-framing history, flagging industries, recycling precious metals, fabricating complex machines, publishing magazines, controlling military spending, black-market weapons dealing, lifting economies, deep sea fishing, car racing, long distance putts, fire protection, lumber harvesting, crop raising, hospice care, librarian, business consulting, museum curation, sculpting, designing, choreography, judge, cook, baker, candlestick maker.
If you chose to read every last word of those paragraphs, you might consider serving in government somehow. I also think you’d make a good editor.
I shudder over the number of instances when I have heard political arguments or strong opinions expressed with fervent finality, when there are so many more pertinent details worth considering in the world than can realistically be included. No one person can know everything there is to know.
I feel like the general population of the United States is looking for a person who does know everything, when they think about electing a President. Others are just looking for a candidate who will constrain decisions to a narrow band of specific interests.
I’d prefer the kind of leadership that is allowed to be flexible enough to respond to the latest information available and make decisions based on a combination of historical reference and what is known now.
Since the world is constantly changing, it makes sense to me to embrace the change, rather than struggle in resistance against it.
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What Joy?
What joy is there to be had when terror is sown to disrupt normalcy in places defenseless and random?
Is it possible to feel joy over the vast number of young people who do not fall prey to the sickness of mind that leads a person to justify becoming a terrorizing murderer? Most people are actually sane, after all.
Oddly, yesterday, almost as if in reaction to the illness that revealed itself in the acts of terrorism in Paris, Delilah spent the day vomiting, over and over. Her energy dwindled with each episode, eventually culminating in her putting herself to bed two hours early.
Yet, healthy joy continues to exist, despite the never-ending ripples that disrupt it. It started for us this morning with the happy expression on Delilah’s face and her ability to eat some scrambled eggs.
Yesterday afternoon, I stood in the paddock while the horses finished their afternoon feed, and absorbed their calmness. They didn’t exude joy in that moment, but they offered peace.
The world recoils in horror for the moment, but joy and peace rise from the dust. If it starts in distant rural areas, like ours, it can make its way back to the cities and people who live on the front lines of conflict.
There is joy. Feel free to allow it to sprout again and blossom for you. Let it glow and grow for the rest of the world.
The world will feel it.
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Gushing Review
I don’t normally tend to watch movies more than once, but while Cyndie was out of town, I opened up Cameron Crowe’s “Aloha” which came in the mail from our Netflix subscription, and let it run without her around. I realized immediately, it was something Cyndie should see, which gave me a chance to experience it twice in a week. I was looking forward to it.
I got to show it to her last night, and despite critical reviews that disparaged the movie as “meandering and insubstantial, …most sentimental and least compelling,” we both found “Aloha” to be gush-worthy. I liked the mix of humor with drama and romance. It never dragged for me, and the actors (wonderfully cast, despite the “white-washing” of using Emma Stone in the mixed-race role) played the characters well enough to keep me from ever thinking of them in any of their other noteworthy rolls of efforts past.
The aspect of the movie that I found most engaging was the significant use of non-verbal communication. I am most often inclined to feel a story read in a book tends to be a better experience than a movie, but in this case, reading about the facial expressions wouldn’t produce the results that seeing the situations play out on the actor’s faces does.
They moved me to tears with their performances, especially young Danielle Rose Russell, as Grace. The use of conveying messages by mere facial expressions occurred throughout the film, sometimes subtly, and other times overtly to the point of awkward. It was powerful stuff.
I can’t gush enough to express my level of joy for having been able to watch this wonderful result of the work from this cast and crew.
Bill Murray, as billionaire, Carson Welch, gets to deliver this wonderful morsel, which is used in the trailer above:
The future isn’t just something that happens
it’s a brutal force
with a great sense of humor
that’ll steamroll ya
if you’re not watching
“Aloha” is a treat that I sure hope others who feel tempted will find a way to devour.
But I’m gushing. Stop me.
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People Trip
I don’t know why I call this a bike trip. The main reason I do this is for the people. It is a thrill to spend a week with them.
We started the riding in a light mist of precipitation yesterday, and the day ended with passing misting showers, on a day that we expected a lot more sun.
It was a really fine day, regardless.
Last Night
Sure enough, I was up late last night watching the Academy Awards broadcast. The awards show was something of a curiosity for me since I have only seen one of the films involved. Even Though I like movies, I don’t get out to the theater that often to see them when they are initially released.
Last night, the portion that made the whole event worthwhile for me was the combination of artists Common and John Legend performing their nominated song, “Glory” from the movie Selma, followed by their acceptance speech for winning the Oscar.
Common spoke first:
First off, I’d like to thank God that lives in us all. Recently, John and I got to go to Selma and perform “Glory” on the same bridge that Dr. King and the people of the civil rights movement marched on 50 years ago. This bridge was once a landmark of a divided nation, but now is a symbol for change. The spirit of this bridge transcends race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, and social status. The spirit of this bridge connects the kid from the South side of Chicago, dreaming of a better life to those in France standing up for their freedom of expression to the people in Hong Kong protesting for democracy. This bridge was built on hope. Welded with compassion. And elevated by love for all human beings.
Followed by John:
Thank you. Nina Simone said it’s an artist’s duty to reflect the times in which we live. We wrote this song for a film that was based on events that were 50 years ago, but we say Selma is now, because the struggle for justice is right now. We know that the voting rights, the act that they fought for 50 years ago is being compromised right now in this country today. We know that right now the struggle for freedom and justice is real. We live in the most incarcerated country in the world. There are more black men under correctional control today than were under slavery in 1850. When people are marching with our song, we want to tell you that we are with you, we see you, we love you, and march on.
Powerful stuff. And real.
I’m glad their song has been receiving attention during this awards season. March on.
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In-Law Jackpot
It was at Christmastime about 34 years ago that I embarked on the first steps of a journey that has proved to be more remarkable than I dreamed would be possible for me. I won the in-law lottery. I hit the jackpot. I will never comprehend what it was like for Cyndie’s parents to deal with the fact that I had asked for permission to marry their daughter —their first-born child, for heaven’s sake— but for me it was just a mind-numbing step in my magical journey of life.
Sometimes when I think back on it, I feel astounded that they said yes. I owe Fred and Marie Friswold more appreciation than I have been able to convey. How can I adequately express what it has meant to me to be accepted into their family? The immensity of my gratitude is beyond what I have ever thought to speak.
From that very day when I asked for their blessing to take Cyndie’s hand in marriage —when Marie’s first response came out as shock that I was asking her while she was in the middle of untangling Christmas lights— I have fallen short of telling them what they have deserved to hear.
Once again, I resort to writing. It is my preferred means. I figured maybe I would get a Christmas card for them and write a heart-felt note. Thinking about what I should write, I realized it would probably need to be a letter. That quickly led to this: a blog post. Even though they are humble enough to likely favor I had stuck with the card idea, I would like to profess my appreciation for them to the world.
It’s not like the years have been without turmoil. I am embarrassed for the number of times I failed to mask my preference to be back among the Hays way of doing things when in the midst of all things Friswold. It has always turned out to be a small price to pay. For the most part, I have been blessed with the opportunity to bask in the greatness that Fred and Marie create. Their generosity and patience is immeasurable. They have taken me to places I never thought possible, and provide never-ending support to me, Cyndie’s and my marriage, and to our children. Their acceptance and support of me is a precious gift I treasure more than any other.
Christmas is a particularly special time when their saintliness shines. They care for others with boundless benevolence. I always receive from them more than what I feel I deserve, but that is not how they measure their giving.
Fred and Marie have succeeded in the art of family where so many others have failed. It is a wonder to behold and an amazing thing to experience first hand, as their son-in-law. I owe them credit for more than I can grasp about who I am and what I have experienced.
Either written or spoken, what they mean to me really is greater than words. If you are reading this, I hope you have a sense of how blessed I feel and an inkling of the grandiosity of jackpot with which I have been blessed. I hope Fred and Marie will sense that I am more grateful to them than I ever have been, or ever will be able to say.
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Prototype Blend
Between the thundering copious downpours yesterday —which by this morning have dropped a 24-hour accumulated total of 5 inches of rain on us— I began production of our first prototype mix of custom horse-manure-fertilized growing soil. It was an extension of my working on the rock pile we received from a neighboring farm field last spring.
That dump-truck-load of field rocks included a significant amount of dirt that surrounded and buried a lot of the stone. Slowly, but surely, this summer I have been prying out rocks and moving them down near our Rowcliffe Labyrinth Garden. As I am getting closer to the bottom of that pile, it is becoming more dirt than rocks. I decided to shovel that rich field-dirt into bags for future distribution, and in so doing realized the opportunity to mix in some composted manure to create our first dose of Wintervale old souls super soil.
It’s kind of like harvesting our first crop! There is a different reward to mixing the composted manure with dirt, as opposed to just using it to fill low spots around our property.
This will be a long-term process, as I won’t really know how successful my concoction is until a season of growing passes and I can learn the results from growers who receive our initial distribution.
Not that I have any real doubts about the potential. I have seen how robust the volunteer growth was that sprouted out of this rock pile all summer, and I have ample evidence of the accelerated growth around all the places I have used composted manure for fill.
Together, I expect they will produce even greater results.
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Dangblasted Updates!
Curses! Progress has foiled me once again. While trying to compose today’s post, I discovered I could no longer format the images I upload in the “advanced” way I have previously.
This is a view of the old editing tab that has been eliminated in the latest update.
I was very fond of the previous version and the control it provided me to make things look the way I wished them to look.
Thank you for “improving” your software, WordPress, by removing features I used. You have completely taken the wind out of my creative sail.
Dear Relative Something audience, please forgive me for my loss of interest in posting what I had in mind for today. I will be whimpering in the corner until I can compose myself enough to return and investigate my options. With luck, it will just require a short learning curve to master a different way of doing things to get the results I seek. If not that, I may need to pony up some funds to purchase the control I hope to gain, if that is possible.
Time to consult with my much more tech-savy son… Stay tuned, I hope to be back to regular programming as soon as possible.
Relative Something 