Relative Something

*this* John W. Hays' take on things and experiences

Disturbing Delivery

with 3 comments

One of Santa’s elves working at FedEx has found their way onto our naughty list. I don’t know if the delivery confirmation email that was sent to Cyndie was supposed to impress us but the fact it was reporting on Thursday night that our package was delivered on Friday morning at 2 a.m. left us mildly confused.

After we were already in bed, Cyndie requested I get up to check if a package had been dropped off in the time since I had been out watching the moonrise. Seemed unlikely to me but it is the holiday season and shipping companies have been surprising us with Saturday and Sunday deliveries lately. Middle of the night hours was a possibility, too, I surmised.

Since my “pajamas” are strikingly similar to what I was wearing when I was born, I hastily barefooted my way through our dark house to the front door and checked the front step for a package.

Nothing visible.

Knowing half our deliveries get left around the corner against our garage doors, I decided I needed to go outside far enough to see if they left our package there.

Now came that moment of hesitation about how to proceed. Seconds ago I was comfortable in bed, winding down my mind, getting ready for a long winter’s nap. This tended to befuddle my decision-making prowess. I could go back and put on some clothes but that seemed like overkill for just a quick peek around the corner at the end of our walkway. And I was already standing at the door…

But, it was cold outside and I’d already left the warm confines of our bed to stand in the chilly air of the front entrance of our house. I didn’t need to push this to the next extreme. So, what’s a guy to do?

I lifted my bare toes into my boots and grabbed my insulated flannel shirt that has become my coat for most outdoor activities and hustled outside to learn there was no package in front of the garage doors. Thankfully, the delivery didn’t suddenly show up right then because my pantless condition would have made the situation a lot more awkward than it already was.

We guessed the package could have been placed at the shop/garage but after returning to our bed, I decided it wasn’t worth me going that far to check. We chose to sleep with the mystery unsolved.

In the morning, as I walked toward the barn to feed horses, I noted nothing had been left at the shop/garage. While putting out hay for the herd, I saw the garbage truck arrive to pick up our trash. On the way toward the road to retrieve our emptied trash bin, I caught sight of our package.

It was in the snow behind our mailbox. The long cardboard box had been slipped into a clear plastic bag that covered about three-quarters of the box, as if to show, albeit pathetically, their concern for protecting our package from the elements.

I’m left wondering, did they toss the box in the ditch at 2 a.m.?



Written by johnwhays

December 10, 2022 at 9:58 am

3 Responses

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  1. Hahaha…you had me laughing pretty hard here, John! Reminds me of times when my little Mister needs to go out late at night…I go through the same thoughts. Then one time I did, indeed, get caught by a neighbor in a skimpy outfit…now I don’t think at all and grab a giant robe!!!
    Hope lots of healing has occurred and that Cyndie is doing so much better…all the rest of the fam too!!


    December 11, 2022 at 11:45 am

    • Thanks, Lorrie! We are doing pretty well, all things considered. A giant robe makes good sense. I’ve just never been much of a robe guy, myself.


      December 12, 2022 at 8:10 pm

      • Hahaha!! Going out down here would be way different than up there!!! The robe would be a NECESSITY for me 😉😉


        December 13, 2022 at 3:12 pm

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