Relative Something

*this* John W. Hays' take on things and experiences

Grief Grind

with 2 comments

The confluence of stressors we’ve been facing this fall has combined to make my days a repeating pattern of responsibility that is almost more taxing mentally than it is physically. There is a possibility that I will be learning how to bake Christmas cookies this year as Cyndie’s able-bodied kitchen assistant.

One of the more painful repetitions I’m enduring is the lonesome walk to and from the barn three times a day. With Delilah gone and Cyndie unable, I am on my own –morning, noon, and night– on excursions to feed and clean up after the horses. I am curious about whether or not the horses recognize Delilah’s absence.

She didn’t have a close relationship with any of the horses, but I would think the lack of being barked at might seem refreshing for them.

Oh, how that repeated barking annoyed me. Too bad I am too grief-stricken to enjoy the serenity now available in its absence.

Being a little shorter on patience than my more happy self, horse shenanigans quickly raise my ire. I was granted some respite this morning as they cordially volunteered to assume convenient positions and stayed put to finish each of their own pans of feed. Cleaning up under the overhang is an imperfect science during extreme cold but the horses seem to understand my process and kindly grant me unhindered access.

They have grown more interested in eating hay from the boxes which is nice for me because putting an entire bale in a box is less work than filling multiple nets with a couple flakes from bales. I’m filling both for now since they still seem to prefer eating from the nets but there may be a day when just the boxes will be enough.

Probably not until the fields are green again next spring, but a guy can hope. Maybe by then, my heart won’t be so broken over losing Delilah and Cyndie will be able to walk on both feet.

Surviving the grind of fresh grief is helped by envisioning the future time when immediate stressors have abated. In the meantime, it’s one foot in front of the other. 

My daily grief grind.



Written by johnwhays

December 4, 2022 at 11:09 am

2 Responses

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  1. You’re invited to our cookie baking day on the 16th❣️ You can do little and take home a lot‼️🍪🎄🧑🏻‍🎄. 🥰


    December 4, 2022 at 4:55 pm

    • Thanks! I will be working as a chauffeur that day for Cyndie. It’s really tempting, though, especially if you are making more of those dangerously delicious chocolate pretzel bites…


      December 5, 2022 at 9:43 am

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