Initial Reaction
This is just the second day in a row in which I have woken to find myself alone in bed; alone in this house. I am surprised at how different this feels from all the many other times I have been alone when Cyndie traveled the country as a consultant. It may be unfairly early to judge, but I don’t think I gave this plan a deep enough consideration of the nuance of impact on me.
It seemed to me, initially, that other married people have lived apart from each other, so this should be something we could do, too. My early reaction is that we are not as much like other people as that thinking assumed.
Cyndie reports that yesterday she purchased a bed, a couch, chair, some lamps, a rug, bathroom towels, queen sheets, and will meet her landlord today and get keys to her apartment.
I am struggling to figure out what to make of the new void in my life. It is triggering me to further consider the option that many folks indicated to me would be the obvious choice: leave my job here and move to Boston with her. I always figured it was a possible solution for me, but one that I would pursue if her work there showed signs of lasting multiple years, or if we discover we just can’t tolerate the separation. We’ve gone this far in planning our current approach that it doesn’t seem logical to make that decision based on the first weekend she is away from home.
The mixture of feelings that I’m experiencing this weekend are primarily a dramatic notice for me that I didn’t allow myself to think too deeply about what I was in for. Now the race has started, and I am beginning to think about what I need to do to succeed. Am I wearing the right shoes? Did I train properly for this? Do I have the right gear on for this race? It is a good thing that this will be a marathon in which I can make adjustments as we go. But I don’t think the secret is going to be in the external aspects of what, or how, we deal with this, as much as it will be internal, in our hearts and minds, where our souls are connected.
It is my soul that is feeling the immediate impact of this separation, because my head keeps telling me that she is not just traveling for a number of days this time.
Relative Something 
I have just realized how you are also so like Sebastian, John. I took the mares down to the bottom field and was going to take him, too, but it started raining, so I left him in his dry stable with an extra ration of hay. But, you know what, he isn’t eating it but just calling out for them. Yes, like you, he wants to be where the action is even if it is wet and cold.
That said, you can always re-consider your options and go to Boston.(Actually, one of the cities I might like to live in myself). I would even sound out that option, so you can follow it up if you really want to. It is important to know that you DO have the choice and not to feel that you are somewhere you don’t chose to be. Besides, you will probably want to visit, anyway, so get yourself a flight booked. If is very important to follow your feelings and intuition even if it doesn’t appear to be the most practical option. And I am sure that for Cyndie to work efficiently, she will need to know you are well.
By the way, I was just discussing this with Victoria and saying that at this rate I will feel like going back to Porto to be with her to which she replied – with all the horses, dogs and cats!!! Yes, I said, we can put them out back on the tennis court. We laughed. The neighbors would love THAT!
Anyway, I will be solving the problem with the horses shortly and going to fetch the mares and fillies. They will be sopping wet, but Sebastian won’t mind and will be so relieved to be near them again. And I thought I was doing him a favor – it is a small world, isn’t it? In sum, respect your feelings, John; they are your guide to happiness and healthy relationships.
A big brotherly hug
Ian
Ian Rowcliffe
October 23, 2011 at 11:38 am
Thanks, Ian. Cyndie has already booked a flight for Julian and me to visit her in Boston over our Thanksgiving holiday weekend in November. Plus, we truly are easing into the separation, because she will already be returning home in two weeks for a previously scheduled consulting commitment. I just need to make it through a few weeks at a time, without her here, and I’ll build up my tolerance for allowing our relationship to thrive remotely.
johnwhays
October 23, 2011 at 11:57 am
Sounds like you are going to have an extra specially good Thanksgiving!
Ian Rowcliffe
October 24, 2011 at 7:17 am