Mental Divot
With little in the way of fanfare, yesterday marked my return to the game of soccer. I have not been cleared to play on the wood floor at the health club yet, but my physical therapist told me to give it a test outdoors on the grass. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was whining about my exercise choice being reduced to walking? What a difference a day can make.
The game went pretty well. I enjoyed more success than I expected. The back felt fine throughout. More importantly, the release of endorphins and the moral support of teammates does wonders for my psyche. Ian has it so right, with his comments here Saturday, regarding negative framing. I have spent more years cultivating a depressed mental foundation than years seeking optimal health. It can be a challenge for me.
If you know about bearings and raceways, there is a flaw when the raceway gets ‘scored’. The raceway is supposed to be completely smooth, but with wear, or as a result of being over-tightened and maybe suffering a dramatic impact, an indent can form. Instead of the bearing freely rolling in the raceway, there will be a divot that the ball bearing will naturally settle into.
I have a well-honed divot in my mental state where my whole being –mind, body, and soul– comfortably settles if left unchecked. All the knowledge I have gained about myself in the years since identifying my depression has yet to completely remove that ‘divot’. I practice methods of keeping myself moving and am able to recognize the signs and symptoms when I am falling back into that low spot. My thoughts and words are powerful tools to direct my outcome. Having a regular dose of exercise-induced endorphins and the added bonus of positive interactions with other people, doesn’t hurt my cause, either.
It is all part of the ongoing maintenance package that is my reality. In all honesty, even writing here serves as one of the exercises I employ. When I am finding it difficult to write and create, it offers a clue for me to assess my status. When I write about my experience with depression, it helps me to process it. If, perchance, it happens to help inform and inspire others, that is a wonderful added bonus.
Thanks for reading.
Relative Something 
Loved the description of the ‘last minute save’ – that is the incredible, John, I know – the Samson shrugging off the Delia in you if I might put it that way. Strength and far-reaching sensitivity aren’t easily balance at times, but, when you get it right, what an inspiration!
Interesting to hear about the mandolin – very close to the Portuguese guitar accompanying our traditional Fado (a type of Blues closely related to the sea.) The instrument also features in Greek music in a more joyful context but also bringing the sea to mind – at least for me. In sum, the instrument is designed to connect us to the SEA of Existence. I have a feeling it should strike an interesting chord in you… remember the sailing ship…
(Wonderful to get to know you in this way, Mary)
And what a Happy Birthday it proved to be, John!
Ian Rowcliffe
June 27, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Ok, I admit it. I didn’t write myself a birthday announcement. It didn’t feel right. Now that you mention it, I DID offer Cyndie a chance to do a guest post, but, even though she was willing, it just didn’t happen.
Soccer WAS a wonderful birthday gift. I scored an excellent goal, and made a last-second save using the top of my head to flick a shot up over our goal. It was very rewarding, and special to finally get out in a game on grass again. It has been too long since I did that.
johnwhays
June 27, 2011 at 9:50 am
So, what a great birthday present that was yesterday to get to play soccer!!! Oh my – did you forget to mention that is was your birthday yesterday little brother??? ….and after the beautiful fanfare the rest of us seem to get on our special day??? May we should have requested someone to write FOR you yesterday??? Anyway – good to hear more of that positive out of you! (Way to keep an eye on him Ian!!!)
Mary
June 27, 2011 at 7:57 am