Posts Tagged ‘sadness’
Random Distractions
Despite the smothering grief we are feeling over the murder by federal ICE agents, and the incendiary rhetoric being spewed from the White House ever since, Cyndie and I trudged through yesterday with faith that those intent on hurting others will never fully extinguish LOVE.
Living in a rural area while choosing to abstain from guzzling at the firehose of news broadcasts tends to leave us feeling disconnected from the rest of the world about how like-minded folks are responding to the extrajudicial killing of Renee Nicole Good.
I struggled to focus on most tasks I attempted, but managed to distract myself for a while with some meditative jigsaw puzzling.
It was above freezing most of the day, and it was fun to see the horses romping in the snow that remained in the hay field. We had removed their blankets for the day to give them a break from the artificial covering. It’s wonderful to see them rolling around on the ground to scratch their itches and feel the direct contact with the ground again.
By their dinnertime, we learned rain was expected, so Cyndie put a rain sheet on Mia. The other three needed to figure out the simple act of staying under the overhang to stay dry. We know Swings does it, but we worry that Mix doesn’t tend to demonstrate those same smarts.
Before we went to bed last night, it was raining like a spring shower again. That’s almost as depressing as having ICE agents destroying citizens’ lives every day.
Cyndie took a picture of Asher with his squeaky/krinkly campfire chew toy in his mouth, standing beyond her red waxed Amaryllis bulb and her wooden roses puzzle, which Elysa helped her assemble the previous weekend.
Red, red, and red!
We find ourselves looking for any distraction in a storm. The likelihood that things will continue to get worse before they get better weighs heavily on both of us.
Cyndie left voice messages on phones at the offices of our representatives, expressing her anguish and dissatisfaction with the illegal activities of the masked immigration agents. We have not ruled out finding a protest that we can attend to offer solidarity with others equally despondent over Renee’s murder.
The days end up being a blur of sadness and frustration, mixed with the contrast of love and hope we are striving to conjure up to feed the world.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
.
.
Sadly Predictable
Unfortunately, we all knew there was a high likelihood that the Federal ICE agents’ escalating actions and repeated violations of citizens’ rights would eventually lead to shots being fired. That doesn’t make it any less horrific that they murdered someone in broad daylight while witnesses recorded video of the act yesterday in Minneapolis, MN.
Just to make things even more disgusting, our government quickly released a fabricated cover version of the incident to justify the killing.
It’s heartbreaking and soul-crushing to live through the unraveling of law and order and the grim, methodical destruction of our democracy. Is there any way to reverse this evil plot?
I don’t think all the king’s horses and all the king’s men will ever be able to put our Humpty democracy back together again.
R.I.P Renee Nicole Good
May LOVE save us all.
.
.
Just Cry
Without intentional effort to think positively, a person could easily find the ongoing trials and tribulations of the world too much to bear.
Sometimes I just want to cry over the horrors of present wars and the calamities of global warming, the destructive inequality between rich and poor, the failure of government to serve people before corporations, and the masses of people who believe that lying and hurting others can be justified to achieve their desired ends.
Cyndie and I plant some trees and tend to our forest to help a few local acres of the planet.
We love and care for four rescued Thoroughbred mares residing on our land.
We treat people respectfully in our occasional interactions and manifest loving intentions for family, friends, and the world at large.
Still, sometimes the pain and sorrow in the world bring tears to my eyes.
If there is any justice in this world, those who are enduring suffering will sense recognition that tears are being shared in their honor in the same way that loving energy vibrations radiate throughout the universe.
Here’s wishing that happiness and laughter actually outweigh sadness and crying around the planet as a whole.
At least then I could be crying tears of joy.
.
.
Unparalleled Escapades
Indeed, there is an element of sadness today, with the moving of our horses back to their previous home, but we are making equal effort to frame their transfer in a positive light. Think of it as a graduation ceremony. Like children who are sent off to school for a period of years, these horses came to live with us for five and a half years. I think they taught us a lot more than we taught them in that time.
Now they have completed this phase of life with us and are going back home. We will use the memories and lessons of our unparalleled escapades together as the foundation for whatever comes next.
Thank you to all of you who are thinking of us today, and sending love and support! We are soaking it up as a healing balm for the inherent sorrow of parting from these beloved creatures, while also using it to bolster our spirits to properly honor the equine wisdom bestowed upon us over the years.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Relative Sadness
There is an aspect of grief that I visualize as wrestling an octopus. You can be engaged in the action for an immeasurable amount of time without ever having a clue if you’ve come close to pinning his shoulders to the mat.
Where the heck are octopus shoulders, anyway?
I’d love for nothing more than to have an official slapping their hand down to declare the match complete, or at least to call time on the end of a round. The clock never runs out though, and the round goes on endlessly while grief and I just keep wrestling and wrestling.
It occurred to me yesterday that I was somewhat unconsciously avoiding going out to the barn since last Sunday when Legacy’s life ended there. It’s a struggle, because I normally find great comfort in standing among the horses, but there is currently a profound disturbance of energy here. I’m feeling little capacity toward consoling our other horses and even less confidence in my ability to contain my own sorrow while in their midst.
Between the understandable waves of tearful sadness, there remain the troughs of intangible gloom. I recognize that space well.
It defined the bulk of my adolescent and early adult life, which was shrouded by dysthymia.
At least now I am armed with much greater knowledge and understanding of the dynamics of these mental squalls, and I recognize the current grief casting a pall over our lives is completely situational. There is unending love cradling our sorrow and it is nurturing our healing and growth.
After Cyndie and I walked Delilah around the property yesterday afternoon, we all ventured to the barn to look in on the horses.
I worry they might be feeling neglected after the intense attention paid to Legacy, and then his sudden departure followed by this incredible void.
They seem to me to be in a state of shock. All we can do for each other is vibrate our energy of sorrow and loss.
I’m not crying; you’re crying.
Dezirea actually stepped away from me, as if she couldn’t handle my grief. Hunter and Cayenne tolerated my attempts to give them some loving scratches, but I didn’t get a sense that either of the three of us felt much solace out of the exchange.
Cyndie spent a little more time with Dezirea. I think Dezi seems particularly sad. I am wondering if she is feeling some stress over the possibility she will inherit the ultimate responsibility of a leadership role, being the elder mare. It could just as easily be filled by any one of them, or maybe they will devise a perfect balance of power across all three.
It’s just that the four horses that were organized into a little herd over five years ago worked out so tremendously. They were a band. An ever-shifting combination of two sets of two. It was incredibly, preciously perfect.
Beyond our ability to fully appreciate when they first arrived.
Now they’ll never be able to get the band back together again…
.
Aww, here comes another slippery hold from that octopus, dagnabbit.
.
.
.
Relative Something 