Posts Tagged ‘Perceptions’
Chillin’ Nearby
After spending most of the day on Monday working on the lawn tractor and getting the field mowed, I needed to spend some quality time in the paddocks yesterday, while it was still sunny. Today is predicted to be the beginning of a two-day soaking of rain, and those paddocks are miserable to clean when it is muddy.
As it was, they weren’t much better than miserable in the corner I was hoping to rake. There are still large areas where the ground remains saturated with water, which results in many deep hoof divots, the continued build up of manure from winter, and almost impossible footing for trying to do anything about it. The task involves trying to remove months worth of accumulated manure that is soaking wet and stuck into the mud, raking it across a terrain that is filled with pot holes that serve as perfectly frustrating traps.
I have to be mindful to avoid allowing that frustration to fill my thoughts, because I don’t want that to become the message our horses pick up from me. I have yet to master the art of literally “hearing” what they might want to communicate to me, but they definitely are conveying something by means of proximity. Legacy will walk towards me and pause, continually closing the distance if I neglect to stop what I’m doing to meet him. Eventually, he will come right up into my face, so that I can’t not stop what I’m doing.
Yesterday, I met his gaze and did my best to let him know what I was thinking, and we had a bit of a stare-down. Then we each “went back to grazing,” he, literally, and me, by getting on with raking.
Just as often, it seems, Hunter is my companion when I’m cleaning the paddock. While I was raking that same area yesterday, he wandered over and just stood next to where I was working. He wasn’t looking at me, but just standing beside me. After a short time, he decided to lay down, right there on that same spot. It is the closest I’ve ever been to a horse that was laying down, so I decided to take a picture.
It warms my heart to know he feels that comfortable with me, and that Legacy will behave respectfully when standing as close as he was. Obviously, we are communicating something.
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Seeking Balance
I enjoyed a chance to sleep in this morning and awoke to a blustering spring wind. I hope it will help dry out the fresh mud created by last week’s inch and a half of rain. It is a frustrating thing to need moisture for the trees which have been weakened by drought, yet to desperately want the ground to not be so saturated that we can’t walk or drive vehicles without sinking and creating ruts. We need to have just the right balance.
Is there such a thing? Probably not a static state of balance, but everything is constantly flowing toward equilibrium. It is why there is so much wind this morning.
As Elysa and I were chatting to solve the world’s problems yesterday while breaking up manure piles remaining in the big hay-field, it was balance that we concluded was needed. I’ve been repeating something regularly since I learned of it, that horses demonstrate a brilliant ability to quickly get over conflict and “get back to grazing.” That gives rise to a natural flow toward balance.
We put the horse’s balance to test yesterday, by haltering just two at a time and taking them for a little stroll around the property. Each time, the remaining two demonstrated quite a bit of separation distress, working themselves into a frenzied anxiety, whinnying and running the fence line and occasionally slipping dangerously on the sloppy mud. Our herd has become so bonded that they over-react to being separated. We will need to increase the frequency of these little excursions to help them become more balanced when being apart.
I had my own opportunity last night to practice reclaiming balance after coming upon a frustrating problem while trying to assemble our precious new double glider swing we bought online. Previously unbeknownst to me, Cyndie has a strong connection to memories of a double swing her grandmother had. In the middle of our new storage room construction, Cyndie presented me with a set of plans she purchased for building a swing like she remembers, asking me to see if the guys working downstairs would be interested in making one for us. She hadn’t been able to find the right one for sale locally, so she figured we would have to build it ourselves, or find someone who could do it for us.
I did present the idea to them, but I also checked online myself, coming up with a variety of possibilities. Most enticing was one made from cedar logs, which would match the single swing we already have out by our outdoor fire pit. That is the one I am now trying to assemble, meeting with a variety of sadly typical problems I run into on all projects such as this.
First, it was getting a screw stuck before figuring out the best angle and method to get it to work as described in the instructions. Now progress has been halted by the manufacturer’s poor quality drilling. Three out of eight holes are off-center to the point I can’t align threads to start an eye-bolt. I’m going to have to try to elongate one of the holes (3 times) to get back to progress.
Let’s just say that I was finding myself a little out of balance when I finally had to give up and put away tools with my cold hands, putting things on hold for the night. It’s a chance to practice my own skills of “getting back to grazing.”
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Days Filled
Natural processes never pause. We had a very spring-like day yesterday, starting the morning with a classic thunder shower. By the end of the day, I couldn’t see any snow left on the ground as I walked the southern fence line to repair areas where Legacy practiced his penchant for dismantling things with his teeth. The frost hasn’t gone out of the ground yet, but already there are green sprouts emerging from the dirt.
A trek around the property is an overwhelming experience of discovering all the things that deserve attention. The trick is picking the best time for each task. The terrain is too wet for many activities, but the high ground is getting close to dry enough for equipment to drive over it without leaving giant ruts. Mornings can still offer frozen ground, which invites the possibility of driving over areas that will be too muddy later in the day. Any day could bring rain, or even snow, which will quickly cause a setback in the progress of drying out the land.
We need more gravel brought in, and will want to find fill dirt to bolster areas that were excavated last year and experienced some dramatic settling in the time since. With the ground as soft as it is, we cause more damage than we want if we ask for deliveries of sand, gravel, or dirt during this time of year. Instead, I’ve resorted to using some of the broken down winter manure and mud scraped up in the paddocks to fill one spot that settled. If it works out, there’s plenty more where that came from.
With nature forging ahead every minute without pause, it becomes imperative that we fill our days with activities to keep pace. There is no shortage of work to do to occupy our time. I find myself mentally battling dread that I am neglecting things here when I have a low energy day, finding myself short of motivation to take on the next task. It gets compounded when I consider that I also want to take personal time for getting miles on the bike and playing the guitar; two hobbies of several that I used to do when I had spare time for such exploits.
There is consolation in the fact that I enjoy the projects we have underway, and receive deep satisfaction from the improvements we achieve. It may be a false impression, but I think there should be less demands on our time in the long run, after we accomplish all the projects of shaping the land, installing fencing, and constructing rooms and sheds. In fact, we have more behind us than remains in front of us, with regard to those issues.
We are close enough to reaching a point of only needing to manage day-to-day operations such that I’m feeling hope it is within reach. It may be another year or two, but that’s not all that long in the span of a lifetime. In addition, it’s not something that just happens in an instant, so the work that fills our days now will subtly transition over time, becoming more routine and efficient, and thus, less all-encompassing.
Or, so I can try to convince myself.
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Topsy Turvy
I don’t know what it is, spring weather, phase of the moon, tax return preparation, college basketball tournament upsets, or blog hosting sites putting their users through unwanted drama, but things seem a bit chaotic around here recently. It doesn’t help that I am once again on leave from the day-job due to another slowdown in business. Then, there are things like the commercial airplane disappearance, the massive mud slide, Chicago’s commuter train crash, and our dog and cats getting the throw-ups. At least the horses are fine, well… except we received a classic spring rain/snow mix that got them chilled and wet yesterday, so that we needed to move them into the barn for the night.
I captured this picture of one of Delilah’s toys recently, and when I opened it up for viewing on my computer screen, it immediately caused me to think, “That’s exactly what I feel like.”
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Window Replaced
The fractured window beside our fireplace was finally replaced yesterday! It was a long wait, because the glass was a special order, and because the builder’s other projects got pushed back by the harsh winter weather.
At least we had good weather for our task. It was a warm and sunny day here yesterday, with hardly a breeze. With the sun beating down on that side of the house, it was almost too warm inside, so having the window out actually felt refreshingly good.
The old broken window came out without a fight and the new one went in with equal ease. It took as long to assemble and take down the scaffolding they worked from as it did to make the glass swap.
For weeks I have been anxiously awaiting their arrival so I could ask them to look at one of the deck doors that was hanging up on the bottom of the frame. Then, just days before they arrived, I happened to notice something in the shop that held the key to solving the problem. Time and again since we moved here, I have walked past this bag that hung on a nail by the door. For some unknown reason, (trust that intuition?) last Friday I spotted words on the bright pink paper in the bag.
INSTALLER: LEAVE THIS FOR HOMEOWNER
Closer inspection revealed the words: ANDERSEN FRENCH DOOR INSTALLATION/ADJUSTMENT.
In the bag were tools and instructions for adjusting the hinges to re-center the door. I have been suffering with that dang door catching on the bottom for a long time, and wishing it would just fix itself miraculously because I didn’t have a clue how to remedy the problem. Meanwhile, I would walk by that bag hanging at eye-level every time I stepped into the shop.
Using the supplied hex wrench, I tweaked the vertical and horizontal positioning on the hinges of the doors on both sides of the fireplace. Then I hung that bag right back on the nail in the shop. I’m afraid if I move it to a different storage location, I’ll never find it again.
It just so happened that the door I fixed is the one the guys needed to go through countless times yesterday. That made me smile.
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Visualizing Success
While our landscape is still locked beneath a thick blanket of snow and the daytime temperatures rise above the freezing point, I reacted upon an urge to give the lawn tractor some long-neglected maintenance attention. The poor thing was caked with dirty, dusty grime and grass clippings.
Opening up the email inbox this morning revealed the timely message from my Stihl dealer detailing how to get those power tools ready for the first use of spring. It’s definitely that time of year. My cycling season can’t be far off!
I opened up the double door between the shop and garage and pushed the old Craftsman tractor, on one mostly flat tire, into the warmer workspace to begin the operation. I’m finally getting around to utilizing that space for the purposes it is so smartly designed to facilitate. The seller of our property kindly provided his stock of spare parts for the machine when we purchased it, so I am set with new air and oil filters, and belts if needed. Too bad that leaves me short a fuel filter, a spark plug, and a replacement bulb for the headlight that has been blown since we bought it.
We may even look into replacing the cracked vinyl seat that was once nicely patched with what looks like electrical tape, because said tape has long since given up its adhesive. Don’t tell anyone, but I will also finally defeat the interlock on the seat so the engine will be able to keep running without interruption when Cyndie bounces up off it when trying to rock the tractor every time it gets stuck.
In all fairness to Cyndie, I have experienced that situation myself a couple of times, as well as wanting to get up off the seat to ride the fender in attempt to better balance the tractor on the one steep part of the ditch by the township road.
Here’s hoping I’ll have the machine running sweetly in advance of actually needing it, without introducing any problems that didn’t exist before I dismantled so many of the vital components. This is a great situation for me to practice the art of visualizing success!
Very early in my life, while hanging around as an extra hand for my dad while he was engaged in any number of similar mechanical repair projects, I came to recognize one common aspect that troubled me. Every job seemed to include, as if by obligation, a moment where some problem arose that would completely impede further progress. One common example was the situation of a nut not coming off a bolt due to corrosion or thread problems.
Such moments are either a wonderful opportunity to rise to the occasion –finding the right tool for a solution, gliding through the uninvited obstacle with minimal disruption– or a disaster of careening down a path of increasing destruction and frustration. Success can be a function of having the right experience and/or keen instincts, and a good inventory of the right tool for the job with the intelligence of knowing how to use them.
I’m pretty sure I developed an aversion to these anticipated obstacles, which leads to the catch-22 of my avoiding them, which creates a deficit of learning how to successfully respond. Since I am now faced with increasing opportunities to delve into mechanical projects that offer potential for just these kinds of lessons, I hope to bring the wisdom I have gained in developing healthy mental perspectives and my ever-expanding awareness of things unseen –recognizing, listening to, and trusting my heart and my gut– as tools to assist me in my learning.
One of the first tools I intend to wield is, visualizing success.
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Spring Things
For the first time in months, I finally got my car washed yesterday. The once shiny blue car was an ugly gray mess of accumulated salty road spray. The temperature didn’t get above freezing yesterday, but it was sunny enough for the March sunshine to be effective at making it feel warmer than it really was. The line at the car wash was long and the wait was even longer, but it felt worth the pause to get it taken care of before the next blast of precipitation starts the accumulation all over again.
There is a real sense of impending change lingering in the air around our place now that the daily low temperature readings are no longer negative numbers and the high temperatures are headed above freezing for a couple of days. The higher sun angle and the later sunset hour are probably contributing the most to the feelings of transition that are upon us.
The horses are already showing signs of shedding their winter growth. Delilah seems to have more energy than ever. Unfortunately, she has started a pattern of barking at the sound of a neighbor’s dog 10-acres distant who sits in a kennel and “shouts” a lot. I’m grateful that Delilah has chosen to just sit on our hill and bark back at the dog, as opposed to run off in search of it.
We think Mozyr has resumed his misbehavior of peeing where he shouldn’t. The other night, he did it on our bed while we were right there, distracted by a video Cyndie had leaned forward to view on my computer. When she leaned back, her hand discovered the wet spot. What the heck!? Now I keep thinking I’m smelling urine in the air in several places, but I can never sniff out a location on surfaces. Even though I almost don’t want to see the truth, we are going to get one of the UV lights that will illuminate the spots where the cats have peed. Obviously, it is important for us to know, but at the same time, I really don’t want to discover what I expect will be the vast number of incidents.
I stopped by the hardware store on the way home yesterday to see if my lawn mower blades had been sharpened and ready for pickup. They weren’t, waylaid by the onslaught of problem snowblowers that had been brought in after the last mega-snowfall. I thought I was being smart to get my blades taken care of during the off-season, when they wouldn’t be inundated with lawnmowers needing similar attention, but it’s only logical that there isn’t really an “off-season” at a hardware store. At least I got them in at a time when I won’t be needing them if the wait takes longer than I expected.
This coming weekend, we move the clocks ahead one hour for the start of Daylight Saving Time, and in two weeks from today the vernal equinox arrives. Spring is here! That means only about two and half months left when we are at risk of getting bombed by a monster snow storm. Isn’t that encouraging!
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Dust
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as if the sun
has to decide to rise
as if the earth
chooses to spin
dust accumulates
marking the passing of time
in ways that lightness and darkness
cannot
so the simple stroke
of a cleaning cloth
becomes an act
of resetting
the immeasurable perpetual advance
of some bombastic
cosmic clock
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Good Rest
I was back at the day-job yesterday and it was like a day of rest. I didn’t have to do any shoveling. Wait, I need to clarify that: didn’t have to do any snow shoveling.
When I returned home in the afternoon, I received a message from Cyndie that she wanted to put the horses in the barn overnight because of the return of extremely cold temperatures, and before we moved them in we needed to clean out the stalls. I ended up having to do a little shoveling in there.
The horses have caught on to our routines nicely. They seem very fond of the opportunities to be inside when it gets really cold. We had taken their blankets off last week when it got nice for a few days, but they went back on last night, with no complaints from the horses. We may be spoiling them, but at least they seem to appreciate the care we provide.
I was so tired on Monday night, I fell right to sleep. When I awoke, it felt like I’d had a good night’s sleep. I squinted up at the time projected on the ceiling by the clock next to Cyndie and struggled to decipher what it read, since it was upside down. Did it show 5:11? No, it was actually 11:08. I had been asleep for only a half hour and upon waking I felt like I had slept the whole night through.
Now that is what I call a good rest. Luckily, I was able to fall right back to sleep, and picking up where I left off, I enjoyed a very sound night’s sleep.
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Relative Something 