Posts Tagged ‘melancholy’
Reconciling Melancholy
Every day isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes transplanted trees don’t survive and balanced rocks fall. In and of themselves, individual issues are not really that big of a deal. What I noticed over the weekend was that the little things have a mysterious power to lurk below the surface and weigh down the ambiance of an otherwise wonderful series of days.
Fortunately, I have access to an incredible antidote in the form of some fine animals in a very special setting. Photos by Cyndie.
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After a short span of time, the rocks that I used the tractor to lift into place on the tall tree stump, have already fallen. Since it happened so quickly this time, I have decided not to try again. I was thinking I could cut the stump to a lower height, where I would be able to reach without needing the tractor, and then select some rocks that aren’t too heavy for me to lift. But then I remembered that we have another bird house that was given to us, and that could be a great spot for it.
It was probably a bird that landed on, and tipped, the balanced rocks anyway. What do you figure?
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Double Whammy
Wow, am I ever aware of a wave of melancholy that is washing over me presently. Today is the day when the annual bike and camping trip begins, and I ended up needing to withdraw at the last minute. I say it is okay, but my heart is letting me know that “okay” glosses over some deeper feelings that don’t quite jibe with that description.
A horse would let me know that I am not displaying congruence.
I would like to have a tantrum like a two-year-old, but I’m pretty sure that I have developed more constructive ways to respond. I just need to muster the energy to enact that more constructive response. Unfortunately, I am exhausted. I think this role of responsibility, filling in for the owner of the company where I work, is taxing even when things appear to be going smoothly. I haven’t really done anything, but I am feeling more drained every day.
That week with friends, cycling, camping, laughing, and being on vacation outdoors for a week was going to be my shot of healthy energy. Not only have I lost that opportunity, I have stepped into a role that increases my need for what that would have given me. It’s a double whammy, thank you very much.
No wonder I want to stomp and cry and flail about.
I will rally my energies, and choose to find the as-of-yet-unseen surprisingly valuable lesson/growth opportunity/reward that awaits on the other side of this experience. I don’t mean to be a doubter, but I find it difficult to imagine anything that could be better than being with the precious friends who show up at this bike trip every year. I will miss them immensely.
I already do.
Relative Something 