Posts Tagged ‘Love’
Loving
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What if someone was already me and I didn’t know it
he or she could be wandering around the planet
doing what I was about to do
already being the person
I was expecting to become
someday when my demons were done
and everything I thought I thought up
was thought up some time before
in some place totally unknown
and I remained oblivious
What if no one knew they had been loved by me
because I never told
of all the years I marveled their countenance
memorizing memories of previous proximities
long after we’d both moved on
and we never would meet again
could I successfully send
my mental dancing vision to each and every soul
in such a spectacular way
it would consciously imbue
a knowing nod that it had come from who
had held their presence through
days that led to years
sometimes bringing tears
mostly filled with joy of having seen
potential as a passing time
What if we never had to decide whether something was actually true
and holier than thou wasn’t something we knew
hate, fear, and shame deserted the planet in threes
a currency of love the only legal tender in use
one that gained value and exponentially grew
when distributed freely and widely
instead of being stored in large vaults
and hoarded with other faults
those whose hearts flowed gracefully
with honest love glowing weightlessly
could heal wounds with the richness of a glance
a knowing look that says those three precious words
describing a feeling that knows no bounds
poverty would become a basic fail
to practice a universal art others hail
of truly loving everyone with our own inherent free will
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Mobile Labyrinth
First off, let’s just get this out of the way. You are all welcome to be my valentine, but I need to ask you to hold off on the chocolate candy hearts. My will-power is hardly robust enough to withstand that amount of sweet gesturing of love. Happy Valentine’s Day! I offer plenty of my low-sugar love to all who happen to read here today.
On Sunday, before huddling in front of a rare MN Wild hockey game broadcast over the airwaves followed by a Grammy Awards broadcast that was entertaining to a degree, but failed —for me— to live up to the hyped level of “Music’s Greatest Night,” Cyndie and I braved a colder than expected morning to work on outlining a labyrinth on canvas.
Since our driveway was now clear of snow and ice up by the house, it became potential space where we could spread out this project that Cyndie has been planning.
Before we laid out the canvas, I used a push-broom to clear the loose grit away. If our neighbor still bothers to watch our every move, I can’t imagine what he must think about my obsession with cleaning the top of our driveway the last few days.
I had already done advance calculations to figure out how wide each lane could be, given the total area of canvas and the number of circuit loops in the design Cyndie chose. Our task of the day was simply to identify and mark the center point from which the rest of the circles will be referenced, and then place a few “tic” marks to place the lanes.
It is all pretty straight forward with a minor exception of the two lanes that become the routes to enter from the outside and the path that reaches the center.
We spent a fair amount of time laying out enough skeleton lines to define the potentially confusing part, leaving the finishing touch of just laying duct tape along the consistent circle of each lane for another time.
While Cyndie measured and ripped pieces of tape off the roll, I sat on the canvas absorbing the thorough cold of the pavement beneath while holding the tape measure dead center and calling out location metrics. I could see her hands slowing down from the cold as the minutes turned into hours.
There are a lot of tedious steps involved, but it was a labor of love. After each step we became inspired to go a little further to lock in the design for her to finish later with friends.
When we finally quit and hustled inside to warm up, we discovered the day hadn’t warmed up at all. The temperature was still in the 30s (F), and with the brisk wind, it became obvious why it felt so much colder than we were expecting.
In our haste to pack the project up and get inside, I failed to capture a photo of our final progress. I’ve informed Cyndie that she’s responsible now for getting a picture of her mobile labyrinth when it’s finally completed.
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Keeping Calm
I’m trying to keep calm and carry on. In the past, my prescription for maintaining a positive outlook about the world included turning off the broadcast news. I would, instead, get news from sources which allowed a choice over the content. I could pick what I allowed to infiltrate my thoughts. That involved scanning headlines of online publications or perusing the local paper at the day-job.
It’s not working so well for me anymore.
There are less and less headlines that don’t have something to do with a certain kleptocracy in process.
Now I am struggling with the option of isolating myself completely from the news of the day and focusing on whatever positive happenings I can cultivate from my immediate surroundings.
I can choose to associate with healthy people. I can commune with people who aren’t phobic about things they misunderstand, or are uninformed about.
But something is eating at me about a potential risk in that choice.
Should I turn my back on what is really happening in the world?
Looking back at some horrific outcomes that have played out in history has me wondering how I could live with myself if I chose to turn a blind eye in the way many others did at times when hate and fear became the rule of law.
Today, I’m sending love to those who are poor, suffering, oppressed, at risk, and afraid, even though I’m choosing to not read the latest headlines about their present predicaments.
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Far Away
This feels so far away from home. Breakfast on the lanai by the pool in shorts and a t-shirt is so mind-bogglingly different from my normal routine that I feel like this is a dream. Well, it is a dream, actually. We are living the dream.
Besides power-lounging the day away, the most work I did involved figuring out how to connect Fred and Marie’s smart TV to the internet so they could watch shows on Amazon Prime, and then helping Fred put air in his bike tires.
He hadn’t ridden the bike for about 2 years, but Marie told him other visitors have been using the bikes every year. He wanted to take a little ride, so we just added some air and off he went.
When we next saw him again an hour or so later, he reported he had gone for a short bike ride followed by a long walk. His front tire had blown out. First, he reported noticing a ticking sound as the wheel turned round and round. Then it POPPED!
Forensic analysis revealed a failure in the sidewall of the tire. The inner tube had ballooned out and was rubbing the brake with each revolution, until the rubber tube burst.
Turned out to be a pretty impressive level of activity for the guy turning 80 this weekend.
Otherwise, the afternoon became a blur of card games, napping, and floating in the pool. Cyndie served Barry and Carlos drinks by the pool.
Around dinner time, the surprises for Fred continued as Cyndie’s brother, Steve arrived. Then, after dessert had been served, her last brother, Ben appeared with his wife, Sara. The last secret had been revealed and the kids were all present.
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We sat around the table sharing life stories and lost our breath in laughter multiple times. Fred shared a memory of his 60th birthday when the kids all showed up for a surprise gathering on a ski vacation in the mountains out west. That year, they left spouses at home.
Cyndie and I have been married for 35 years and had dated off and on for 7 years before that, so I recognized plenty of the tales that were being recollected. Reliving the many stories reveals a weird combination of my being part of the family, but not being one of the family. I’m here, but I’m not as here here as they are, if that makes any sense.
One thing that is clear, we are noticeably far away from our home in Wisconsin right now.
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Two More
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Addendum: Why two days with no writing? Once again, I think I am following the adage, “if you can’t think of anything good to say, don’t say anything.” I don’t want to fall into the trap of over-focusing on the political, but my mind keeps getting stuck on our slow slide toward a kleptocracy which no one thus far seems able to do anything about. I’d rather focus on Love. .
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Lost Hope
I have discovered how important hope can be on the journey to optimal health. It occurred to me the other day that I have lost hope.
I’m sure it is still there, I just can’t find it right now.
Having an unfortunate first-hand experience with depression allows me to recognize how it is possible to live without hope. It is not a healthy place to live. On my journey to good health, I have learned that it is not in my best interest to reside in that space. I am regretfully comfortable in that place, maybe from having too many years of practice in existing that way, but I cannot afford to accommodate that outcome.
I will do some digging to find my hope again. It is a requirement.
Of that, I am acutely aware.
We cannot live on love alone. That is another thing I have come to realize.
I’m going to love finding my hope again.
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Love Works
Once again, our anecdotal evidence supports the theory that sending love to others produces loving positive outcomes in amplified proportions. Yesterday morning, while driving Cyndie through the misty-cold-gray weather to Lakeview Hospital in Stillwater, MN, we were both receiving messages of support and love for her scheduled surgery appointment for a knee replacement procedure.
Meanwhile, we were imaging thoughts of love and encouragement for the caregivers we were about to meet. Starting with the most convenient parking spot available at the entrance, all the way through the staff of every department of the hospital with which we had contact, we enjoyed the most pleasant of possible experiences.
The surgeon told me the procedure went perfectly, and by my perceptions, swiftly. Cyndie’s recovery from the anesthetics then proceeded smoothly and the big pain she felt coming on received prompt attention.
Speaking of prompt, they wasted no time in putting Cyndie to work on moving that knee and working the muscles of her leg. Within 5-hours of the completion of surgery a physical therapist was running her through 10-reps each of a variety of exercises, culminating with getting Cyndie to stand up on it and then walk out of her room to trek around the nurse’s station.
When you are in an uncritical frame of mind, it makes sense that you find less to feel critical about. As I drove into the darkness toward home later in the evening, I had a deep feeling of appreciation for how well the entire day had gone. We are so lucky to have access to such wonderful care.
It doesn’t hurt to also have some previous experience with joint replacement surgeries. Add to that, a lot of love from many directions and you end up with more grace than a human should be allowed.
In no time Cyndie will be hiking to and fro on our property again and Delilah will get back the walking partner she has been missing.
Keep sending love for Cyndie and her knee. It works wonders!
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Don’t Fear
I watched a movie last night that scared me, contributing to some unsettling dreams. It depicted one possible scenario for rural life after the power grid collapses. It’s not the kind of thing I’m inclined to focus on, but it could happen.
In the middle of the night, awakened by a startling dream, my thoughts began to wander to another thing that could happen. Our worst fears could be realized.
It starts with outrageously unlikely things that seem as though they could never happen. Then they do happen and the world somehow accepts it, allowing it to become a new normal. The first example that comes to mind for me is, “Ed TV.”
When that movie showed up in 1999, I thought it was too bizarre to be believable. A camera crew follows a person everywhere? Yeah, right. It made no sense to me. Then the reality television genre experienced an explosion of global popularity. It happened. Outrageous became the norm.
In 1998, I watched the unlikely gubernatorial election upset in my home state of Minnesota when former actor and professional wrestler Jesse Ventura surprisingly beat the two major-party candidates. Most people figured it was too outrageous to happen, but then it did.
With the bizarre outcome of the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, the outrageous has happened again. One fear many people have is that discrimination and bullying will be allowed to fester as (a not so new) normal.
I was wondering why safety, happiness, peace, and love don’t end up being the norm that naturally blossoms. It’s not where people automatically go without energy to make it so. It’s not hard to do, but it takes intentional effort to avoid succumbing to the lowest common denominator.
Let’s not allow worst fears to be realized. Put effort into loving everyone. Do not go silently into normalizing discrimination. Sow intentional peace and love in all your endeavors. Fear not.
Every time we manifest loving-kindness we increase the total amount of love in the world. The bounds of love we can produce is limitless. Our souls are able to love even in the hardest of times. But we have to put forth effort to make it happen.
Love is more powerful than fear when we allow it to be so.
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Relative Something 