Relative Something

Something keeps pushing me into naval-gazing mode lately. Multiple things. The insights I am gaining are probably good, in the long run, but aren’t immediately bolstering my self-confidence or generating rewarding feelings of well-being.

I’m wondering if I would have developed different behaviors, were I to have recognized in my youth, what I am discovering now. Of course, that is a universal thought: “If I knew then, what I know now”…

I have been given the opportunity to be confined in a place where I daily hear someone speak their mind, demonstrating their thought patterns and social interactions. Some of what I hear offends me, but the rest is just irritating and tiresome. It dawned on me recently… that person often reflects some of my own behaviors. Maybe that is why I find the person so annoying. And it explains why some people find my social patterns annoying!

I’ve failed to maintain the majority of relationships in my life. I wonder if, had I developed different control over expressing my opinions, it would have made any difference in that outcome.

The person that I hear talking, says things that seem to come out of nowhere, and reflect a neglect of the impact on the entire audience in ear-shot. It is something that I have grown sensitive to. But I also recognize the behavior as one I have been guilty of myself. Part of it is simply the result of speaking before thinking. Sometimes, this is followed by attempts to justify what has been said, but this rarely helps, and usually hurts. Hints of my own behavior in there, again.

I’m inclined to want to tell the person about what it sounds like to listen to the things being said, however, I am not feeling very skilled on how to do that. I am hoping this experience will allow me to better hear how the words coming out of my head sound to others, and better yet, learn to practice the art of actually thinking before speaking.

You think?