Archive for March 2012
Pain Again
In the ongoing excitement of degenerative disc disease, I had a very interesting experience yesterday. I have done well to maintain my routine of daily 1/2-hour walks, and have been working my stretching and strength building exercises. Maybe I have done too well. I have had so little discomfort that there are moments when I forget that I am at risk.
Granted, I had allowed myself to become distracted, and I was thinking ahead to what I would do next, while I carried our exercise ball downstairs, but it didn’t seem like a risky action. It is hard to constantly keep your mind focused on thinking about how you are moving. All I did was lean forward a small amount in the action of intending to set the ball down on the floor. BAM! Sudden take-my-breath-away pain erupted in my lower back.
It put me to the floor. I searched for a position that might not hurt so much, but couldn’t identify whether laying on my stomach, or over on my back, offered any advantage. It just hurt.
I relaxed enough to catch my breath, struggled to my feet, and then tried to carry on with activity. I put some cold packs on my back and took some ibuprofen. This incident felt a bit worse than any of my previous flare-ups, but still seemed manageable. We had some company over for brunch and I alternated between sitting and standing. After they left, I headed for some carpeted floor and laid down where I could completely relax. I was laying on top of a cold pack that rested in the small of my back and it felt good. I could push my back onto the cold and against the support of the floor. Maybe that wasn’t a good thing to do.
When I decided to get up, I discovered that I couldn’t find a way to do it. With great effort, and against new waves of pain, I found I was able to roll over, but I could not find a way to get myself upright. Cyndie and Julian needed to do the work of lifting me up from under my arms, but I found I could hardly stand up and support my own weight without scary amounts of discomfort. This was all completely new to me.
I have no idea what the exact physics of that episode was all about, but I will refrain from laying flat on the floor, with an ice pack under my lower back, for some time to come. Slowly over the remainder of the day, and after multiple doses of ibuprofen, I felt I was gaining the ability to function without debilitating pain, but this is a definite set back in my ongoing effort to live comfortably and function relatively normally, despite degenerative disc disease.
Ouch.
Inspiring Visit
With Cyndie home for the weekend, and the weather almost summer-like, we let our hearts lead us to the one thing we both felt drawn toward: a visit with the horses. We were doubly rewarded to find kindred spirits present with a similar agenda of wanting to just be with the horses. Inspired conversation blossomed on a variety of topics related to learning, ranging from Cyndie’s current situation in Boston, to the opportunities available beyond the conventional (outside the box) to provide meaningful lessons to the full range of styles of learning and processing information.
As I stood back, observing the verbal explorations, I witnessed the horses reaction to the changing dynamics of the conversation. When I pulled out the camera in attempt to capture what I was seeing, the animals reacted and the scene was altered, but for some time, there were two horses, in particular, that stood at the fence with ears forward, fully absorbing the vocal exchanges.
It was beautiful to witness the similar interest to be in each other’s company. The people wanted to be with the horses, and the horses wanted to be with the people.
Out of the conversations of the afternoon, one enticing tidbit for me was the idea of learning equine body language and, more importantly, how human body language is interpreted by horses. The teachings of Klaus Ferdinand Hempfling was referenced. After we got home, I watched a video of Klaus dancing with a horse and immediately recognized this as appearing strikingly similar to how Ian Rowcliffe, in Portugal, looks when he interacts with his horses.
It is inspiring, to say the least.
Quiet Day
It is a quiet morning, other than the screeching girls playing outside in the neighbor’s yard. The temperatures are suddenly summer-like, for the last days of winter here in Minnesota, and windows are thrown open and all the sights, sounds, smells, and screeches of the world are allowed back into the house.
Cyndie is home for the weekend and is sleeping soundly next to me, regardless the racket next door.
I am feeling grateful, …and quiet.
Comfortably Uncomfortable
With a nod of thanks to my friend, Gary Larson, last night I was able to hear actor, writer, author, voice artist Wallace Shawn speak at an author lecture series at the Hopkins Center for the Arts. He read from one of his essays on the Quest for Superiority. His perspective, as one who was born into a privileged life, yet suffers the angst of discovering that it comes at the expense of those without privilege, is one that I understand very well.
Earlier in the day, I had read a commentary (counterpoint) in a local newspaper, “White Privilege is Most Potent When Denied” and the combination of the two things, occurring on the same day, both relating to this similar issue, have me re-invigorated to consider ways I might contribute in an ongoing way to shedding light on the topic.
There is that difficulty of continuing to enjoy the benefits of the current system, while trying to point out the failures of the system, that makes doing so particularly difficult. As ‘Wally’ points out, it can be comfortable living in privilege, and it is too easy to lose attention to the issue under the spell of those comforts.
Ideally, it would be desirable for everyone to rise to a level of privilege that would enable the joy of being comfortable, …as opposed to simply removing all comforts toward a goal of total equity for people the world over.
It is an issue that exceeds the capacity of my feeble mind to adequately comprehend, but at least I am past the point of obliviousness, or worse yet, denial. It is something for me to think on, this concept of shedding light on the topic, ongoing.
Paper Scenery
Am I sentimental about our wallpaper? I didn’t think so, but now, having none to look at, I’ve become aware of how often it held my gaze. I did capture a few pictures before it was all gone… Something moved me to save this one as black and white.
Delicate Attempt
The results are in, and in my opinion, my performance at yesterday morning’s soccer [futsal] game was a mixture of success and failure. But that is a good thing. It would have been a surprise if it turned out to be just a smashing success. What would that be like, anyway; that I could play just fine with no pain? No, that would fool me into thinking I could go back to my old routine, and all indications point to that being a counterproductive plan of action.
I definitely felt some impairment due to the discomfort of my degenerative disc disease. However, that made it easier to remain very conscious of my situation and helped me to purposefully control my stride. I think I did a pretty good job of running with a very smooth gate, light on my feet, as opposed to the usual pounding I am prone to do. If that made me slower, I was compensating for it a bit by making early decisions about where I was going to go. I headed back into a defensive position much quicker than I would have previously.
That is actually a very smart mindset for me to get into, because now that I think of it, the clomping back to help on defense that I used to do, most often involved me chasing an opponent from behind, too late to do any good.
Although I believe it was entirely serendipitous, one of the successes I enjoyed was scoring goals! I’m generally not a very prolific goal scorer, but I had 4 really good goals that came from being fed beautiful passes when I was positioned on the far side of the net. It provided a nice reward and a feeling that I contributed something positive for having shown up. I think it would be a stretch to say that the attempt to soften my effort for this indoor game was responsible for the uncharacteristic increase in scoring prowess, but the goals sure served to sweeten the morning’s effort for me.
One of the failures of my attempt to play at a slower pace, with less physical impact, was turning the ball over when I had plenty of time to make a decision and execute a play. I just didn’t have my usual touch. Several times, the ball just got lost in my feet. One time, I actually swung to kick, and missed the ball. I was trying to shift my weight and keep my eyes up, and by the time I kicked, the ball had moved. Two times in particular, my turnover led to an immediate goal by the other team.
Another time, I misplayed an attempt to block a shot and it deflected off me, directly into our net. I wondered aloud if that was “a Hays,” because it led to the 5th and winning goal for the opponents, but players assured me it fell outside of the ‘own goal’ act associated with that label. I offered an opinion that it might deserve to be a sub-category.
It was a morning of mixed results, which I am taking as a promising outcome, overall.
Decisions, Decisions
Here we are again, with the clocks adjusted ahead, moving dusk beyond the dinner hour. That means darkness is delayed long enough that chores can be prolonged later into the evening. Oh, joy.
I spent the weekend removing wallpaper from 2 bathrooms. I am really glad that is done. Now I am struggling to figure out how to choreograph the next phases of drywall repair and painting. Ideally, the furniture should be moved to a neutral location, but we haven’t got a room that doesn’t need work.
I have no idea where I am going to end up sleeping.
I will likely have to ask the crews doing the work to break the job up and just do portions at a time. That would allow me to empty some rooms by putting everything into a different room that will be done later.
On the surface, that may not seem like too big a deal, but I am here all by myself, and moving furniture alone is an onerous task, especially with degenerating discs in my spine.
It is less than a year now since I suffered the first symptoms of pain from degenerative disc disease, for which “the first line of treatment is usually to avoid aggravating the condition. Modifying activities to preclude lifting of heavy objects and playing sports that require rotating the back (e.g. golf, basketball or football) can be a good first step.” (from Lumbar Degenerative Disc Disease Treatments by Peter F Ullrich, Jr., MD)
On the subject of not playing sports that involve rotating the back (or pounding up and down the hardwood gym floor), I was considering canceling my membership to the sports club where we play our three-times-a-week morning futsal games, and just quitting cold turkey. I had already reduced my attendance to Mondays and Fridays, but since my most recent flare-up, haven’t played for 3-weeks, and I will have plenty of work to do on preparing the house for showings, and will ultimately be moving to a more rural area that will likely pull me away from the games anyway. It seems to me, quitting now would be a logical thing to do.
But… maybe I have played too many years with these guys to just disappear. Something is keeping me from taking that step that would guarantee the conclusion of my participation. Part of me is wondering about the possibility that I might experiment with altering my level of play to become more conscious of how I move during action. I could practice being light on my feet, and deliberate in my attempts. I will be a bit slower, and probably less effective. I’ll finally start acting my age out there. If I learn to play more prudently, I may be able to prolong my opportunities to mingle with a great collection of friends who share my love of soccer.
That is, until we move out to live with horses.
Relative Something 