Archive for February 2012
On Again
What a difference a day can make. What a difference a text message can make! Long after I had fallen asleep, around 12:30 a.m. my time, the buzzing of an incoming text message on my phone, woke me. Obviously my concern had gotten through to my wife, as the first words were, “I’m OK.”
She’s alive! What a relief. I was really growing more and more stressed by the silence that was following my attempts to check in.
I still don’t understand the logistics of a day that doesn’t allow one moment for a simple acknowledgement to your spouse (let alone multiple days in a row), but her report was of overwhelming responsibilities and meetings all day, then working into the nights. For all the ‘grumping’ I have been known to do about my day-job, I am finding more and more to appreciate about how easy I have it, in comparison to the undertaking Cyndie has gotten herself into.
Early on, in the days before she had even left home for this new job, I was prone to comparing the upcoming separation to what military couples endure. It was meant to be hyperbole, but now that she is well into the battles of her job, I am gaining ever more insight into the suffering that military families experience when they are not able to communicate with each other for long spans of time.
My current goal is to find a better way to show support, by way of somehow not fretting her inability to stay in contact with me. Yesterday, on the still-fresh rush of having received her middle-of-the-night message, I found myself inspired to send two different love-note texts that were 100% free of any expectation of a reply. The first day is easy. Let’s see how I’m doing after a few days.
There is a real trick to turning a relationship on and off, and quite honestly, I’m not that good at it. If I am in the “on” mode, I want to have interaction. I have written before about my ability at moving into the “off” mode of relating, which thrives in having zero interaction. I am able to do that too well, and have no problem shutting down, but it is difficult for me to seamlessly flow from “off” back to “on” again. My “off” mode is an unhealthy place to be. Unfortunately, it is where I want to go to fend off familiar hurts. I want to retreat behind my emotional shield.
This is my opportunity to exercise a love that gives without expectation of reciprocation.
Random Thoughts
Can it be called stalking if you are married?
Funny or fantastic things are funnier or more fantastic when you have someone to share them with.
Why won’t she answer?
Jigsaw puzzles become incredibly more difficult to assemble after eyesight no longer focuses short distances.
Back in the 1800s, when February temperatures climbed 20° above freezing in this area, did people worry about global warming?
I wonder if Bradying will become the craze that Tebowing was.
How many text messages is too many when not receiving a reply?
How much can you tell about a person from what they wonder about?
Do drivers who don’t use turn signals to indicate their plan to turn ever get bugged by drivers in front of them who don’t use turn signals?
Is it possible to discern what the last thought is before falling asleep?
How do I know when its just a thought, and not the first dream of my night’s sleep?
Some men would love to have 4-days of the silent treatment from their wives.
Is there an age limit for having imaginary friends?
Was it possible to misspell things when taking dictation using “shorthand?”
What makes a person suddenly think of “shorthand” when they haven’t had a thought about it in decades?
If you don’t think about something, are you less inclined to miss it?
Random doesn’t mean there won’t be a theme.
If you don’t have anything nice to think, don’t think anything at all.
Two can play at this game.
If two are playing this game, how would you know they are both playing?
Why won’t she answer my calls?
Tolerable Suffering
Now that my routine has returned to a relative normal, post the holidays, I’m going to provide an update on the status of my solo living. Even though it’s been almost 4-months since Cyndie moved east to accept a position with Boston Public Schools, it still feels a bit new. At the same time, it has been long enough to pretty much figure out what works for me. I have been getting my needs met, and am tending to the needs of the household. With only one person messing up the place, shouldn’t I be able to sweep the kitchen half as often? It does not appear to be the case.
For the most part, I am taking advantage of having groceries delivered to the house. I do my food shopping online. Thus far, I am happy with my ability to avoid relying too heavily on restaurants for my sustenance. In fact, I think I am eating out less than when Cyndie was home. Since I don’t automatically have a companion, that seems like a logical outcome to me. I expect it might be different if I was inclined to eat out alone.
The real staple has turned out to be soup from my good friend and fellow Himalayan trekker, Chef Pam Knutson. I buy soup through her Birdsong Soups business out of the Kitchen in the Market facility. I get a quart each week that her husband, John, generously brings to his work in Eden Prairie where I can conveniently pick it up. This has been providing about 4 different meals a week for me. I don’t think I will be able to eat soup out of a can ever again after this experience. What a treat! This is gourmet level eating that seems like it would only be available in fine restaurants, and I have it in my own kitchen! I highly recommend you check out this community supported soup business, Birdsong Soups.
I have also become just a bit more social since Cyndie has moved out, hosting a number of gatherings of friends at the house, and going out with others. Part of that is a result of friends offering to step up to help fill the void. Thank you, friends!
The one thing that isn’t working so well is my being able to touch base with my lovely wife with any regularity. All too often, multiple days pass where we fail to speak or even successfully exchange a text message. You’d think a one-hour time difference wouldn’t be a big deal, but I find it does complicate things, or maybe it just seems to, because Cyndie’s work hours have been ridiculously long. I was shocked to be unable to reach her on a Friday night, nor the entire following Saturday, only to find out she was working both times and had unknowingly dropped her phone under the seat of the car they provided for her use.
I figure I should be nurturing a relationship with the security personnel in her building so I can contact them to find out where she is if I want to speak to her. Nothing can really replace the small talk that has been dashed from our relationship. I miss how she would politely listen to me talk like a little kid about the excitement I enjoyed at soccer in the morning. Yesterday I would have whined to her about the owie I got when I sprained a finger playing around with a basketball in the gym before soccer started. Then I would have bragged about the success we had making multiple one-touch passes to score lots of goals, or mentioned that I forgot to use my asthma inhaler before playing and noticed some suffering as a result. Tolerable, but noticeable suffering.
Kind of like the feeling of suddenly living separated from your beloved spouse of 30 years.
Re-Obvious
Speaking of “obvious” (a word used in yesterdays posted Words on Images re-visit), I find that certain words continue to pop up in my creations. I don’t know if that is simply a verbal habit or if there is something deeper to be gleaned from the tendency. The words, “brilliant,” “silly,” “whisk,” “simple,” and, of course, “obvious,” are a few that come to mind right now. You are probably able to spot more than I, as it is most often invisible to me. If I recognized it, I’d be less inclined to continue the habit, obviously.
Words on Images
Revisiting
I am going to re-post some of my “Words on Images” creations that have stood the test of time for me and remain some of my favorites.
In no particular order, I have chosen “Prisons” to be the first one revisited…
Words on Images
Snow Shoeless
Happy February, 2012! Why don’t we celebrate a new month with at least a fraction of the energy we put into celebrations of the new year?
Yesterday being Tuesday, my friend Mike and I got together for our (mostly) weekly night out and embarked on a mini-adventure in the great outdoors. We took a hike in the Richard T. Anderson Conservation Area park in Eden Prairie. It was my hope that we might catch a glimpse of a colorful sunset, because the hour of our hike put us at prime time. Unfortunately, clouds settled in and draped our world in the classic monochrome of a winter dusk.
On the last day of January, a trek in the woods usually requires snow shoes in this part of the world, but that would have been overkill yesterday. It was clearly evident which slopes of the bluff area were exposed to the afternoon sun, and which were in shadow. There was no snow on most of the south-facing areas, just a blanket of leaves. Daytime temperatures have been well above freezing for a couple of days, which has spelled doom for the bulk of the inch or two of snow we had left from the last episode of precipitation. It’s not lookin’ like there’ll be any igloo building being done by me this year.
I took a few pictures, regardless the overcast conditions, just in case something interesting might turn up. I selected three.
After our little walk, we stopped off at Lion’s Tap for a burger and fries. Figured I would mention that just to make those of you who know about that landmark institution, a little bit jealous.
.
.
.
.
Relative Something 