Archive for November 2011
Expo Hangover
Recovering today, from yesterday’s marathon of exposure to adventure stories and films. The experience was enhanced by a little snow storm that moved into our area, just as I left my house. Pam and I parked the car and walked a bit through the snow, which helped put us in a good, adventurous frame of mind.
We attended three presentations by adventurers who shared images, videos, and tales of their experiences in the Himalayan mountains, and beyond. After over three hours of mostly sitting, we ventured back into the falling and blowing snow to walk to a restaurant for dinner. Then it was back to Willey Hall on the U of M campus for one evening of the Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour.
I don’t attend many film festival presentations. My impression from having done so last night is that seeing one film, right after another, tends to steal some impact from each previous one viewed. Maybe I will ultimately absorb all that I witnessed yesterday and last night, but right now, I am a bit dizzy with the combination of everything that I saw. There were some spectacular accomplishments projected on the big screen, and I am inspired to seek out a couple of the full-version movies that were shown as ‘short cuts’ in order to be included in the festival world tour.
It’s a good thing the weather outside today is prime for hunkering down by the fire, under a blanket. I feel like I could use a day off. I will take advantage of it to gather my strength and consider all the images bouncing around in my head to see if I become inspired for a new adventure of my own design. In three days, I head to Boston for a mini-adventure with Julian to see Cyndie for the weekend and explore her apartment and workplace. I should probably reserve some of my mental energy for preparations toward that, as well.
Time for some hot cocoa!
For Somebody
Yes, indeed, it is all a blinding struggle between the obvious, sublime clash between the simple solutions and the complex details. Everything is as it always was and always will be. Move through this life, kicking and thrashing about like a person who thinks they are drowning, or let yourself float and accept the crashing waves. What if I die before I wake? The universe doesn’t give a fuck, so stop wondering about it and dive in with all the gusto of the person who snowboards mountains at the risk of being buried in an avalanche.
Life splatters like the blood that paints the walls of every crime drama. It is understandable that a person can take only so much unpleasantness before they choose to act in their best interest, but directing that choice inward or outward is of utmost importance. What if it was possible to outsmart yourself and see through your own facade to the person you were spending so much energy trying not to be? Quick, someone call the authorities and demand an explanation. How does that make you feel? It’s not rocket science. Life leads to death. Get over it. Better yet, run right at it, full speed and smile. We are the circus, so enjoy the music. Elephants are not invisible, so don’t allow them to appear to be so. The mind is connected to the body, so it makes total sense to use them both equally to their fullest capacity. Grab the scissors before you go out for that next run and look in the eyes of every person you pass. See if it doesn’t make you want to smile.
Flashes
.
.
light
from the basement
dripping down his calf
flashes
of brilliance
washing past too fast
in moments somehow singled
out of barely half a glance
nighttime dances blithely
changing as if cast
from pages overfilled
with endless dreary words
fire breathing backwards
beneath it all at last
warning off the ghosts
watching
thrill-enhanced
.
.
Adventure Deprived
It occurred to me last night, that I have developed a bit of adventure deprivation. I have allowed myself to become all wrapped up in the activities of moving Cyndie to Boston and figuring out how to function on my own at home; granted, both adventures of their own, but not the kind I long to explore.
My mind has been busy dreaming about our future on a horse-hobby farm, another good adventure, but right now, entirely virtual. I also haven’t been venturing outside lately, for my back-health-promoting half-hour walks. (Oops.)
Getting the house insulated in the nick-of-time before winter has been something of an adventure, but one that is contrary to the kind of which I am feeling deprived.
Alas, my good friend, and fellow Himalayan trekker, Pam, has alerted me to the upcoming Midwest Mountaineering Winter Outdoor Adventure Expo. After reviewing the talks, and the trailer for one of the films, I realized how far I have drifted from the mindset of plotting such bold adventures.
This isn’t meant to imply that I haven’t been putting a little thought into preparing my Icebox igloo tool for the coming snow season. I have. It’s just that it’s been very little thought. Also, I harbor a fair amount of skepticism based on my inability last year, amid generous amounts of raw material for the project, to successfully complete what I started. I’m missing some of the mojo that is required to push myself to the next level there.
Pam and I will listen to presentations on the subject of adventures in the Everest region and watch world-class movies of extreme adventurists and I will soak up some much-needed inspiration to knock me out of my outdoor adventure complacency.
Come to think of it, I will also have the advantage, this winter, of not needing to shovel off my roof every time it snows. I should have that much more energy available for whatever entertaining explorations materialize on my horizon.
Regular readers here will recall that I am big on the planning. It’s as much a part of my adventures as the events, themselves. Just reading about the Outdoor Adventure Expo –the presenters and their seminars, and planning out what we are going to attend– has energized my mind, awakening the thrill and feelings of well-being that outdoor expeditions do generate.
I thoroughly appreciate this readjustment of my thinking, as I was getting a bit too focused on my upcoming non-adventure: navigating airports on the busiest holiday-travel weekend of the year. Julian and I are scheduled to fly to Boston to be with Cyndie for Thanksgiving.
That… –the airport part– is one more of the kinds of adventure that I have NOT been longing to explore.
Diligence
.
.
the slowly ticking drama
of every thing as nothing
swirling manipulations
manufactured stipulations
stressors preconceived
lightly dangling listless
smashing moment’s notice
lunging almost laughing
barely ever stopping
as a check to reality
waiting without effort
diligence paused, as if unguarded
insidiously seeking just that chance
intent on breaking open
the ice that is in sanity
to open well-worn fractures
forged whole in perfect time
starting over in undoing
grief already undone
.
.
Unabashed Cascade
It has been far too long since the unabashed cascade of stream of consciousness has been allowed to flow unfettered such that you’d think there to be a prodigious backup of nonsensical mania waiting to be unleashed except that nothing could be farther from fact since there seems to have been a remarkable lack of whatever the heck it is that feeds the need to act as if someone put a nickel in the kid who honestly has nothing of immediate import to share beyond the obtuse observations randomly appearing without logic though fully fueled with enough silly insanity to muster a meager attempt at revealing the inner randomonious sanctum of unusually inspired lyrical illustrations that fly through the mind’s eye with awkward gyrating thrusts of impetus to make progress against the morbid dormancy of droning and clattering born of blind lust to gain a fortune of bliss in return for the least possible effort toward bettering the less fortunate souls wandering lost in the violent storms of daily annoyances unleashed upon the innocent masses who in reality appear guilty by association and proximity to the lessor evils that idly ply an unyielding tenacity to peel away the fresh innocence of eager souls on a journey from the easily distracted urgency of how we got here to the truly effortless act of simply shedding the outer egomaniac and letting love bloom as free as it was always meant to be.
Gaining Insight
The day after 11/11/11 and all is well. What a relief. Except for the fact that the laundry needs to be done, and myriad other chores deserve attention, and I would prefer to take a couple of days and just do absolutely nothing for as long as my mind and body would allow. Kind of like rebooting a computer.
It is no surprise that rebooting a computer would be on my mind, because this weekend, I am assisting in a major software upgrade at the day-job. One which I believe we have tried to accomplish twice before, unsuccessfully. Each time, we have reverted to the previous, greatly outdated, version to allow production to continue. Years pass. The need, and reasons to upgrade, increase all the while. Daily, the task becomes more complicated by new records of activity added to the data base.
This may be the weekend that wasn’t for me. Next week will probably be a week of unprecedented struggles at the day-job for me.
On one hand, it is convenient to be living alone while this is going on, because there is no competition for my time or attention. But that is also a disadvantage, because I have little reason to claim being unavailable for this onerous task, and I have no pleasant distraction from the mess occurring at the day-job when I get home.
I’m counting my blessings for all the years I enjoyed living with Cyndie, and gaining insight on how much I have taken that for granted over time.
It’s Here!
Eleven, eleven, eleven. One one one one one one. If I wasn’t already married, I’d get married today, along with all the others who picked today because of the numbers. Make sure to stop everything at eleven minutes after 11:00 and look at the digital clocks!
Isn’t it funny how much attention we will give to things like the numbers in a date? An arbitrary date. Does November 11, 2011 have the same importance to people using the Julian calendar as the Gregorian? What if November 10 was a date of greater significance, and we overlooked it?
It is just a date. An arbitrary number.
We are here, now, in this moment. This is the greatest significance.
Every day.
No matter what the calendar date is.
.
.
Relative Something 