Relative Something

With little in the way of fanfare, yesterday marked my return to the game of soccer. I have not been cleared to play on the wood floor at the health club yet, but my physical therapist told me to give it a test outdoors on the grass. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was whining about my exercise choice being reduced to walking? What a difference a day can make.

The game went pretty well. I enjoyed more success than I expected. The back felt fine throughout. More importantly, the release of endorphins and the moral support of teammates does wonders for my psyche. Ian has it so right, with his comments here Saturday, regarding negative framing. I have spent more years cultivating a depressed mental foundation than years seeking optimal health. It can be a challenge for me.

If you know about bearings and raceways, there is a flaw when the raceway gets ‘scored’. The raceway is supposed to be completely smooth, but with wear, or as a result of being over-tightened and maybe suffering a dramatic impact, an indent can form. Instead of the bearing freely rolling in the raceway, there will be a divot that the ball bearing will naturally settle into.

I have a well-honed divot in my mental state where my whole being –mind, body, and soul– comfortably settles if left unchecked. All the knowledge I have gained about myself in the years since identifying my depression has yet to completely remove that ‘divot’. I practice methods of keeping myself moving and am able to recognize the signs and symptoms when I am falling back into that low spot. My thoughts and words are powerful tools to direct my outcome. Having a regular dose of exercise-induced endorphins and the added bonus of positive interactions with other people, doesn’t hurt my cause, either.

It is all part of the ongoing maintenance package that is my reality. In all honesty, even writing here serves as one of the exercises I employ. When I am finding it difficult to write and create, it offers a clue for me to assess my status. When I write about my experience with depression, it helps me to process it. If, perchance, it happens to help inform and inspire others, that is a wonderful added bonus.

Thanks for reading.