Archive for June 2011
Looking Up
Just for the record, I truly did fear that I might not be able to rejoin my friends in the thrice-weekly morning futsal matches on the wood-floor basketball court at a local health club because of my degenerating lumbar disc. However, I refrained from going to the extreme of canceling my membership, even though the only time I use the club is for the soccer with my friends. Deep down, I was holding out hope that I might return.
On Tuesday of this week, my physical therapist spoke the magic words. I am now authorized to begin testing out my normal activities to see if any pain returns. I immediately returned to the wood floor for a test yesterday morning, and am very happy to report that I feel no worse for the wear.
For an undetermined amount of time, I intend to play indoors only one day a week. It is my hope to augment that with one day of outdoor play on grass. I’ll fill the days between with some bike riding, and of course, the ongoing 1/2-hour walking as often as possible.
I’ve begun to recognize a number of other regular walkers that seem to be undertaking a similar routine. I think I can recognize the ones who are treating back issues. There is just something familiar in their stride.
Here are a couple more views I’ve captured during my little expeditions…
Looking down the tracks:
and looking up:
Possibilities Abound
Like the hues of a plant with leaves that transition from deep purple to green, the number of things going on in our lives now are diverse and nuanced. Four me, yesterday’s physical therapy session produced the advice that I could try returning to my previous normal activities, as much as pain allows, to test the new stability I have been developing with walks and exercises.
The days are approaching a mark on our calendar when we had planned to return to visit Ian and family at their Forest Garden Estate in Portugal. Even though we have had to postpone that trip, we find ourselves ever more entranced with the memories we have of that paradise, and by the current stories we read of Ian’s present activities. It is as if we are becoming more connected even though we are not traveling there right now.
The current issue of Experience Life magazine features a cover article that describes a woman who had an experience very similar to Cyndie with regard to discovering an extraordinary connection and communion with horses. The woman moved to a rural area and began an endeavor with horses that reflects the images of possibility that Cyndie and I have been envisioning.
More immediate on our horizon is the US Independence Day holiday which is one of the big weekends of the year up at her family’s lake place. We will be packing up her crutches, and the wheel chair that Cyndie has rented, and making the drive out of town before the work-week ends. Hoping a little head start will reduce traffic for us. Hopefully, the inability to participate in any of the activities won’t spoil her visit to our favorite place.
It will be good for me to take a break from the work place for a few extra days. The business is booming at a record pace for us lately and is taxing our little organization to some of its limits. It is taxing me to pretty much all of mine.
I’m looking forward to bringing up the mandolin to the lake and increasing my familiarity with it. I would like to be able to make more pleasing music, but now it is mostly hunt and peck for notes that sound desirable.
Kinda like life for me lately. It feels like I’m in a bit of a “Research & Development” mode, doing a fair amount of hunting and pecking…
Mental Divot
With little in the way of fanfare, yesterday marked my return to the game of soccer. I have not been cleared to play on the wood floor at the health club yet, but my physical therapist told me to give it a test outdoors on the grass. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was whining about my exercise choice being reduced to walking? What a difference a day can make.
The game went pretty well. I enjoyed more success than I expected. The back felt fine throughout. More importantly, the release of endorphins and the moral support of teammates does wonders for my psyche. Ian has it so right, with his comments here Saturday, regarding negative framing. I have spent more years cultivating a depressed mental foundation than years seeking optimal health. It can be a challenge for me.
If you know about bearings and raceways, there is a flaw when the raceway gets ‘scored’. The raceway is supposed to be completely smooth, but with wear, or as a result of being over-tightened and maybe suffering a dramatic impact, an indent can form. Instead of the bearing freely rolling in the raceway, there will be a divot that the ball bearing will naturally settle into.
I have a well-honed divot in my mental state where my whole being –mind, body, and soul– comfortably settles if left unchecked. All the knowledge I have gained about myself in the years since identifying my depression has yet to completely remove that ‘divot’. I practice methods of keeping myself moving and am able to recognize the signs and symptoms when I am falling back into that low spot. My thoughts and words are powerful tools to direct my outcome. Having a regular dose of exercise-induced endorphins and the added bonus of positive interactions with other people, doesn’t hurt my cause, either.
It is all part of the ongoing maintenance package that is my reality. In all honesty, even writing here serves as one of the exercises I employ. When I am finding it difficult to write and create, it offers a clue for me to assess my status. When I write about my experience with depression, it helps me to process it. If, perchance, it happens to help inform and inspire others, that is a wonderful added bonus.
Thanks for reading.
Medicine Walking
In my new exercise regimen, which has replaced participating in team sports, I am relegated to walking for a half-hour every day. I have been alternating between finding it a moderately pleasant chore, and an underwhelming task that can never adequately compare with my previous athletic activity. No matter how I frame it mentally, the physical activity is the same. I cannot deny the results. The pain I was enduring before is reduced to the point that I now sometimes forget to be careful about how I move or what I lift. In a way, that ends up being a precarious place. I have been cleared to test out playing some soccer outdoors on grass. We’ll see about that.
Meanwhile, I try to remember to bring my camera with when I walk. Here is one view I have been experiencing lately. Out of the tunnel and through the woods. Onward, and upward. There are a lot worse predicaments I could be suffering. I know that.
Saturday Tidbit
A lazy Saturday morning with allowance to sleep in a bit. What a treasure. My morsel of spare energy lately has been devoted primarily toward the process of interviewing members of my online community, Brainstorms. For each interview, I create a graphic with the person’s face and the logo, or logos, of publications they mention in response to my initial query. I find great pleasure in the mastering of tricks available with the software for image manipulation.
As a result of using my miniscule available spare time for that pleasure, I have hardly had a chance to practice playing the new mandolin my family presented to me as a combined Father’s Day/Birthday gift. I do find myself inclined to self-teach, but this instrument would probably require more years than I have available. The gift included one free lesson, so I have no excuse to struggle alone.
I never imagined I would find it so difficult to fit in a simple half-hour of walking everyday, as prescribed by my physical therapist treating my degenerating lumbar disc condition. Both Cyndie and I are trying to be good about doing our rehab exercises every day. We get to share the groans of effort to push the envelope of comfort and ability. Alas, healing appears to be coming along for her, and strengthening for me. I am enjoying some reduction in pain, but I don’t think Cyndie is receiving the same level of that benefit.
Since I have become more responsible for meals, we are going out to breakfast this morning. We get to park in the handicap spaces now when we go out. Not a victory I relish.
Drama Lives
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.like that time in the crime drama
where they glide into the house
holding their guns in the classic pose
to find the person dead on the floor
there are so many things
I would gladly share with you
if only I understood what they are
cause of death was asphyxiation
looks like it wasn’t the lover
he had a confirmed alibi
suddenly it’s an alphabet party
of agents with federal authority
on a sunny summer morning
and I can’t think of a thing to say
to make the things just beyond my grasp
make sense in a clear coherent way
heads are gonna roll
it was someone at the top
until the dramatic last-minute twist
turns the show on a dime
just in the nick of time
leaving one less question unanswered
and all the real drama
. well and truly intact
.
.
My Baby!
It was 25 years ago today, long after Sgt Pepper taught the band to play. I’m not referring to the release of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, one very great and unforgettable film. I’m talking about the birth of our first child. Today, my baby girl reaches the milestone of one-quarter century!
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Happy Birthday, Elysa!!
Heavy Weather
I’ve hardly time to write. Gotta get to the storm shelter before the weather gets nasty. Why is it that so many of the storms in the past year have taken on the appearance of a hurricane over land? I used to mainly focus on the radar images of my local region, but since finding the beautiful and informative national loop at NOAA’s web site, I have gotten a much better perspective of the bigger picture. Maybe it has always been this way and I just haven’t seen it. Or maybe it is different, and the climate is actually changing. Either way, I sure love being able to see the national radar image all at once.
Relative Something 