Archive for April 2011
Random Thoughts
It will never be the same as it was before. My mind can travel back to the day I fished with my dad on Lake Mille Lacs, the day when I caught a lot of fish, but I cannot go there. I can pretend to be in this very moment, but that moment will be different for each reader who happens upon this post. I would like to be standing in the high elevations of the Himalayan mountains. I would like to be walking with Ian in the Forest Garden Estate. I would like to hear the first time Neil Young performed songs from his album, “After The Goldrush”. Instead, on this Saturday morning, I will visit my workplace and try to catch up on work that I failed to accomplish during the previous week. Luckily, it does not come at the expense of being with Cyndie. She is going to be gone, as well. She has an opportunity to visit a friend’s horses and do some equine communing. I never expected horse ownership to be a reality in my life, but things that I never expected to happen continue to play out, such that I would no longer be surprised for such possibility to occur. Meanwhile, my fretboard fingers are developing adequate calluses just in time for a little music party at the home of my Himalayan trek partner, Gary. I have exercised my memory, conjuring up a few songs from the archives of my regular repertoire. It kind of feels like a Saturday to me. Fair enough, that.
Nepal Thoughts
April is the time of year when I traveled to Nepal. That was a couple of years ago now. It is on my mind a lot this year because I have friends who are currently on a trek similar to mine. When I think back on my trip, and revisit some of the photos I took, the feeling I get is that the whole experience was more than I could absorb. I lived it, but it was more than I could grasp, even as I stood there breathing it in. Looking at the images again, somehow brings back vague hints of the vastness of experience. It almost feels as if the parts of that adventure that were beyond my ability to fully grasp in the moment, were not lost to that moment. Even though I couldn’t fully process it all, it still became part of me. The aspect of the trek that was beyond my comprehension still colors the portion of my life that is the event. The mystery moves forward within me. The same thing probably applies to many such adventures, but to me, it just seems so fitting for an experience in Nepal.
Something Lacking
I surprise myself sometimes with my ability to repeatedly assume that “tomorrow” I’ll have time to take care of what I have not been able to accomplish today. Unfortunately, in that scenario, tomorrow definitely never comes.
One thing that has the ability to absorb precious time, especially in a work environment, is a person who neglects to notice signals indicating a desire to depart from a conversation. It’s always a little awkward hearing someone continue to talk after my back is turned and I’m headed off to the next task. I don’t mean to be rude. If my multiple verbal attempts to suspend the conversation, and my body language indicating I’m trying to go, fail to provide the awareness that I intend to step away, my leave ends up happening as the commenter continues their conversation/monologue. Oops, sorry about that, Chatty Cathy.
One option, which I have tried, is to simply state that I need to break away. If that worked for me, I’d be more inclined to make that my practice. Sadly, it feels even more uncomfortable to be subjected to the unending commentary after I have just stated clearly that I needed to excuse myself. Talk to my back as I walk away.
I gotta say, these kinds of situations prove to be increasingly exhausting to those of us who have a high social sensitivity. When there is already more to be done than time allows, burdens such as a person who won’t stop talking, unnecessarily complicate already complicated days.
Pay attention out there, people! There is work to be done. Tomorrow there should be plenty of time to hear the rest of that never-ending story of yours.
‘Nother Status
Number of hours worked yesterday: over 11
Leftovers heated for a late dinner: Gina Maria’s pizza
Number of hours sleep accomplished last night: 7 1/2
Enough hours for ultimate liver health: not quite
High temperature reached yesterday: 65° F
Number of seconds I was able to be out to enjoy it: 0
High temperature predicted for today: 46° F
NHL playoff hockey watched last night: parts of 2 games
Plan for tonight: Vancouver/Chicago playoff hockey game 7
People over for Easter dinner Sunday: 15
People joining me for late dinner last night: 0
Days till Cyndie gets home: 3
Amount of snow predicted overnight tonight: 1 inch
Number of miles ridden on my bike so far this spring: 0
My current level of interest in riding in the cold: none
How my ankle performed at soccer yesterday morning: really well
How my ankle felt later in the day: sore
Treatment for ankle while watching hockey: ice and elevation
Days in a row I’ve played guitar: 3
Days until Gary’s music party: 4
How callused my fingers are: not at all
How fingers feel after 3 days: raw
How often this routine of trying to build calluses happens: regularly
Condition of fingernails for finger-picking: Excellent
Memory for lyrics of songs I have always sung: long gone
Results of loss of lyric memory: a lot more instrumentals played
How often that really matters these days: pretty much never
How to know when a status list is complete: they’re never complete, yet, sometimes, they just end
Now Then
I have already shared this with all of my siblings, and also with my Brainstorms community, so it almost seems redundant to post it here. However, I think it has a universal appeal for the novelty of capturing the similar poses and for the always interesting visual of comparative shots of people when they are young and when they aren’t as young.
I have been wanting to do this for a long time, but younger brother, David, lives up north and older brother, Elliott, wasn’t able to be at our family reunion gathering last summer, so getting the three of us together has been rare.
My family tolerated my attempts to try (probably too hard) to direct the shot to be exact. I thought Elliott should take off his glasses. He disagreed. I respect his opinion that they belong.
In the end, Elliott got the ‘last word’ in about my drive to accomplish a pose exactly the same as the first picture. I only had one image available on my camera when I got home, so after I pasted them together, I sent it out to the family asking if anyone had a better version. I noted that in this image, I didn’t have my shoulders squared to the camera, and with multiple photographers taking pictures, Elliott was looking at a different camera than this one.
Elliott sent this, in reply:
Authentic Joy
Lately, I have been thinking about the accuracy of memory, in particular, earliest memories. Many are augmented, or even supplanted by photographs we have from the past. I don’t actually remember some things that happened, I remember what it looked like from a picture I have repeatedly seen that depicts the moment.
I recently began tinkering with transferring some of our old home-videos from tape to a digital video file. I do remember this particular moment, but it would never be so genuinely presented if we hadn’t managed to capture the video of it. I’m so glad to have this to show my daughter, Elysa, the fun we had during the time before she can remember.
Choose Love
Through the advances of modern technology, my son has been remotely controlling our computer at home to work out the kinks and chaos in our music and movie system. Last I was aware, we were experiencing some problem with lag, causing a movie to play jumpy, in fits and starts. Julian said he would try reloading the application next chance he had.
Days passed and I became distracted. During the week that Cyndie was in Arizona, training with horses, I decided to put on some music while working on a project. As I navigated the menu of the application, I discovered the lag problem appeared to be gone. Curious whether the video portion would also run smooth, I picked a random movie and clicked, “Play.”
It seemed okay. The longer I let the movie run as a test, the more engaged I found myself in the story I had launched. I ended up dropping any thought of my project and, unplanned, sat down and watched the whole movie. Throughout, I kept having the thought that Cyndie would have really enjoyed it. Last night, I got the chance to share the movie with her. I was right. She saw the very same things to like that had caught my attention.
The movie is, “Chaos Theory” (2008, Warner Bros.) with Ryan Reynolds and Emily Mortimer. Three things in particular that I liked: the choices made for casting this movie; the cinematography, for its use of scenery and timely artistic presentation of the subject for certain scenes; and the effective, and very likeable, soundtrack.
The overall story offers additional appeal for me, and I think is accessible enough to work well for a wide range of viewers. There is a twist of primary character that occurs right away that I appreciate, although it actually frustrated me at first. Ironically, I think that is part of the reason I ended up liking it later.
The main character has a bit of an average guy persona initially, then goes through some drama and angst, which speaks pretty universally to the trials and tribulations of any relationship. Ultimately, he finds a way to reconcile himself with his situation, and then offers a wonderfully profound lesson. I wish I had written this…
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…there are few things more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Speeding up, slowing down, a pretty face, a flight of stairs… It’s always changing depending on what’s happening to us out there. It’s an erratic son of a bitch. But underneath all of that bump-a-ta-bump mess, there is, in fact, a pattern. A truth. And it’s love. The most important thing about love is that we choose to give it… and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal, and all the dirt that makes us human.
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LOVE! We can choose to give it, and to receive it. One of the simplest choices amid life’s chaos that we should ever face.
More Adventure
I understand if you find this hard to believe, because I can hardly believe it myself. This summer, Cyndie and I will be making our second trip to Portugal, returning to visit the Rowcliffe’s Forest Garden Estate. In the time that has passed since we were there last fall, the spring garden has received many new plantings. They have added a reflecting pool. Ian has given a home to a new kitten. And Doll has given birth to a foal they named Gretel.
I vividly recall the guttural emotion of Cyndie’s response when she first laid eyes on images of new born Gretel that Ian had posted for us to see. I think that was the first spark that initiated our plotting to get back to Portugal sooner, rather than later. Now, with the first phase of Cyndie’s Epona horse training under her belt, she is wildly inspired to return and be in proximity of the Rowcliffe’s herd of horses.
The only unknown left seemed to be my ability to get time off from work. Early this week, I was officially granted the time. I called Cyndie immediately to let her know, and she immediately purchased the plane tickets. Our dream is again becoming real.
There is such joy in just knowing we are going to go. Imagine how much fun it will be when we finally do.
Brainstorming Again
Why do I Brainstorm(s)?
One of the primary reasons is that Brainstorms uses Caucus. My affection for Caucus, and my interest in seeing it being well-used, is how I learned that Brainstorms existed. My early experience with Caucus conferencing was on a small scale. The number of participants was not large enough to maintain any momentum of active conversation.
I tried creating a few conferences for my own purposes using Caucus, but none of my efforts ultimately solved the problem of attracting a critical mass. Much as I loved the software, I had only ever witnessed it being under-used. When I questioned whether I would ever witness the platform being used to the fullest, I was pointed to Howard Rheingold’s Brainstorms, as an example.
There, I found a membership that included people from around the world. I was presented with more conversation than I could process. And, in a short amount of time, I realized Howard’s idea of raising the bar of civil, adult conversation was being lived out by an amazing collection of brilliant and creative minds.
On Brainstorms, I learn what is going on in other parts of the world, often, as it happens. I consider myself one of the people who read more than they post, and what I read causes me to think. I am inspired to think about my own opinions and consider other perspectives. Oftentimes, I contemplate whether I have my thoughts organized enough to post a contribution to the conversations. Whether I end up writing, or not, I have been led to consider my opinion.
My world has been expanded by my membership in Brainstorms. I have attended gatherings of members in Chicago and San Francisco. I have discovered a kindred spirit and true friend in Portugal, and traveled across the ocean to commune with him, in person. I have exercised my ability to communicate in writing and taken advantage of a vehicle for sharing my poetry, prose, and photographs.
Brainstorms is akin to having hundreds of pen-pals. Brainstorms gives me an invisible friend with multiple personalities who informs my real life and listens to what I have to say, day or night. Brainstorms can be habit forming, but if a habit is healthy…
I still believe there are a limited subset of people who align with whatever it is that makes conversing online in a community of people you don’t already know, attractive. It’s not for everybody. But I am forever grateful for the vehicle of the internet and Caucus software, and that there is a core group of other like-minded souls who continue to feed my passion to commune online at Howard’s amazing creation, Brainstorms.
Relative Something 