Relative Something

There is an item of discussion in my online virtual community where nothing but utter nonsense and silliness is posted. The Conference is titled, “Phun” and the item is, “In the future…” I have been known to post several of my highly insightful visions there for the benefit of the members, and feel it is only fair that readers here be given the same opportunity to see what the future holds.

In the future, right after we forget about the past, we will remember that the last time that happened, we were bound to repeat it. Won’t that be great?

In the future, greatness will be measured out to each and every boy and girl in a thimble for their use. Unauthorized use will not be authorized. Users will be allotted space and time to utilize the greatness as dictated by panels of experts whose credentials will be impeccable, mostly drug-free, and established with the underwriters for authenticity. It will be great.

In the future, when something happens, everyone will notice at the same time. Nothing will go unnoticed. Mass media will morph into doing everything in their imaginations to keep people keenly aware of what Lindsey Lohan is doing at every moment, regardless the fact the people will already be noticing absolutely everything about anything. There will be no news programs because of the redundancy inherent in describing news to an audience that already is informed on anything that could possibly be considered news. Because of this, there will be so many media oriented types that have free time to devote solely to Ms. Lohan and her every move that they will be able to make it appear as if there is something about Lindsey that must be worthy of the attention and thus even though everyone will already know absolutely every possible thing there could ever be deserving to be noticed about Lindsey Lohan, seeing what the media outlets have to present will be perceived as being not only trendy, but mightily worth the act of finding a way to get one of those things people used to have that hung on their walls in their homes across from the large couch of plush leather and that flashed full color High-Definition (oh remember how quaint that was) moving images on a 2-D screen depicting all things corporately newsworthy. They will think it is great.

In the future, and this is true, I just figured it out, everything that we thought was funny will actually turn out to be just as funny as we actually thought all along, even though most everyone we were aware of had been something less than mildly amused by the incredibly amusing funniness we clearly sensed. Meanwhile, the things in life that are particularly unfunny will melt away like lemondrops on the dash of an old automobile in the heat of high noon in a mid-saharan desert, only a lot less sticky, and people with no sense of humor will suddenly feel all queasy and faint at the realisation that the seriousness with which they had previously purported to conduct themselves will collapse in a heap of self-important tatters. They won’t think it to be great, but guess what? It will be great.

It’s bound to happen. You just wait.