Archive for January 2010
Marathon Relationships
Imagine if your spouse sitting next to you in bed on a calm Sunday morning, grabbed one of the many layers of blankets and comforters piled thick to ward off the frigid temperatures of the Minnesota winter, and in a muscled pull to drag the blankets and tray of breakfast treats –caramel rolls, fruit, toast with jam, and coffee– closer to her breast to consume from the desired propped sitting position against the pillows, the aged fabric of the simple white down feather comforter suddenly rips open in a dramatically audible rupture revealing and releasing an explosion of its contents in every direction.
I have grown to believe that the person one chooses to partner with is less important than is commonly perceived when compared to the aspect of electing to participate in a monogamous relationship for the trials and rewards that are available as a result of doing so. The person I married is important, but if it wasn’t her or him, it would be someone else. And the issues I bring to the relationship would be the same ones, regardless. If I choose to address my issues by way of relating to one partner and doing so together with that person through the thick and thin of what choosing to do so entails, arriving to the resolved and enlightened perspective of some big issues I brought with me sure does give a sensation of having selected a perfect soul mate.
People who choose to run marathons experience personal trials that I tend to avoid, by choice. I have no doubt that I would learn something about myself if I were to undertake that challenge. I would need to wait for the perfect marathon though. If one got hard on me, I could quit. Pick another one later. If I can’t get over whatever my problem is, I could just avoid marathons. I like myself just fine, without running marathons. Maybe I’ll just run 10K’s, ‘cuz I like the rush I get from running, but I don’t want to face the part of me that needs to learn about the full distance. It doesn’t really matter what marathon I choose as much as it matters whether I want to do the work to learn about myself and change part of me to become better able to run the race. And in the end, it is not as important that I would then know how to run a marathon –many people can do that– but that I gain insight about myself and grow in ways I might otherwise not have.
Most critical in determining the right person for the life-long partnership to do the work you decide to face would be their equal mindset to understand that entering a long term monogamous relationship is an exercise in facing things about oneself that wouldn’t be the same issue if not partnered and that doing the self-learning and growing as a result in the arena of relationship is de facto required.
In my life story, I have reached the place in such a relationship where our laughter together is illuminated with brilliant colors born of fire and rain that reveal the rainbow colors that sparkle in all the little down feathers that float above the breakfast in bed.
Team Sport Drama
The eye of the needle
and the razor’s edge
could be sewn into
the fabric of our discontent
if it was worth the weight
of the world
on our shoulders
to be or not to be
greatly persuaded
that the heart of the matter
rests within the bright spot
on the horizon
where the spoils await
our humble reception
for the victory we wrest
out the jaws of defeat
Speechless
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I don’t have anything to add to that today. Happy Saturday, if you stopped by today.
In Praise of Pizza
I saw in the news the other day that frozen pizza is out-performing all other items in the grocery business. Regardless the questionable health benefits of eating pizza too often, it is something I could all too easily let myself choose every night of the week. There are so many varieties of crust thickness and sauces available, plus the wide range of usual toppings that can be arranged in an incredible number of combinations, that I just never get bored with pizza.
Lately, I have discovered some frozen pizzas that I liked so much, I found myself craving them over the option of ordering fresh-made. It’s wrong, I know, Steve. But the industry has somehow improved quality to a level that they appeal to me. I admit to a bit of loosening my standards in favor of the convenience of pulling dinner out of the freezer and having it fresh out of the oven, ready to eat in 15 minutes.
However, I will always revere the precious product that comes out of professional pizza ovens. Judy and Scott clued me in to a real special treat last summer with Brianno’s in Eagan. Cyndie’s favorite in our neighborhood is Gina Maria’s. We often pick their deep dish Canadian Bacon/Pineapple/Mushroom. Seriously, when considering high caliber restaurant pizza, frozen is not to be compared. They are completely different categories. Except they are both called pizza.
The problem I must admit to, revealed in the article about the popularity of frozen, is that it serves a population that “either doesn’t like to cook or can’t. They like to heat and eat.” Guilty, as charged. I hope it’s what I get to eat tonight for dinner. Are you hungry yet? I am.
Happy David Day
How many people have a little brother whose birthday happens to be today? I wonder if he reads here or whether I should find a better way to send him a greeting. I have an idea, how about you all surprise him with messages, too! Especially, if you don’t actually know him. You can tell him I sent you. Write to him at drghays at yahoo dot com. David, if you are reading here today, just ignore the last paragraph. Happy birthday.
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Here is a present for you, from me. An update on our investment:
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The 1969 Boss Hoss Mustang was one of 3 chrome cars that were given as a part of the Hot Wheels Club Kit in 1970. There was the Heavy Chevy (Camaro), King Kuda (Barracuda) and the Boss Hoss (Mustang).
The Mustang is the most common of the three with the Heavy Chevy being the rarest. The Mustang in mint condition with it’s stripes intact is worth about $25.
'69 Hot Wheels Chrome "Boss Hoss" Mustang
Interesting that if it’s worth about $25, how come in auction, bids are over double that? People are funny. But we know it’s not worth nothin’ unless you sell it. SELL IT!? You gotta be kidding! Then I wouldn’t get to play with it. Don’t worry, it’s safe with me. I’ll put it back in a safe place in a min… in a few… in a little while.
What’s Happening?
It is so hard to know what it is that is happening right now that will have a particular impact on the future, either in our lifetimes or generations that follow. One thought that struck me last night was how fast cell phones have been evolving. My good friend, Gary, recently pointed out that the little buggers have pretty much always been a challenge for hearing the incoming call without interruption, but instead of new designs that eliminate that problem, the phones have become much less about talking and more about keyboard layouts for texting, and view screens for surfing the web, and improved camera features. I haven’t noticed any advertisements for the big new speaker or the fancy souped up antenna design.
The thing is, with all these multiple competing companies marketing their phones simultaneously, phones that look deceivingly similar and offer the same core features of internet connectivity and miniature keyboards or touch screen navigation, they must have been all working on finalizing their designs at the same time. So, where were we when all this was going on? Seems like new designs are released yearly. Designs must be done in time to get released to manufacturers so they can build enough to actually have something to sell by the time all the competitors are hitting the market. When we were getting excited about having the latest Star Trek style flip-open phone, they were already well into the design of the ones that are the hot items of today.
Logic would have it that there are designs in the works right now that will be impacting the way the future phone communication will look. Do you wonder what it will be like?
What else is happening today that is going to determine some fact of life in the future? Does anyone notice the trend that seems to be happening pretty rapidly regarding medicating children who are experiencing psychological issues? This would be a boost for drug companies and I’m not surprised to hear they market products in that direction. But I am disappointed to hear that toddlers are being given antipsychotic medications or that there are negative incentives built into our health care system for allowing a more person-centered approach to treating children’s psychological problems.
How will the medical trends that are in process right now impact the lives of these kids in 10 or 15 years? Are we making choices today that will help them for their future lives, or are today’s psychiatric practices with children intended to help us cope with them right now for our sake? Do people notice what is going on right now that will have a particular impact on the future?
For the most part, I don’t think we do notice. It takes a little extra effort to pay attention and even more effort to cope with it and come up with an idea of something to do in response. Plus, it would require going against the tide of keeping up with the next American Idol competition and the latest Wii game. Might as well get some entertainment out of today’s products that they were working on the last time we had no idea what they were up to.
Same Old New Routine
So, this is what it is like to get back to the old routine, except that it is actually the new routine, since we are now in a new calendar year. I can’t help but notice that it isn’t any different than the routine from before. For all the difficulty I have with maintaining a focus on the present moment, it would actually be fair to describe me as one who gives rather limited attention to the future and as only sporadically dwelling in the past. Today’s routine is pretty much just what I bother myself with tending to.
It is becoming apparent to me that I find routine to be a comfortable thing. I like to claim being flexible and willing to adapt to change, but I do prefer to put things in a particular order and behave in a way that supports and maintains that order, even if it is a loose definition of order. Lately… say, the last couple years, it seems, I have fallen into a pattern of keeping a large majority of my laundry on the floor in front of Cyndie’s vanity set in our bedroom. Clean clothes, folded and piled, get set there and my not-yet-dirty pants and shirts, recently worn, get draped over the top. I dig through the piles during the week until it is a random mixture of once folded clean clothes and my more preferred and frequently worn, but not yet dirty, shirts and pants. It is a routine that serves my process better than having things get put away. Sure, it looks better put away, but it just never seems to last very long.
That is my version of order, I guess.
My penchant for routine stood out to me yesterday afternoon when Cyndie got home from an errand, having used my car, and reported that she had filled the gas tank. She wanted to tell me because she knew I keep track of the details, saving receipts and logging mileage and she hadn’t done that. I stepped out to the garage right away, because if I didn’t, I was sure I’d forget, primarily, to reset the trip odometer that I use to track fuel progress along with the gauge. But in so doing, I felt a twinge of my being a bit obsessive in my establishment of routine. Partly because Cyndie knew enough about me to feel impelled to need to tell me about it and partly because I write down my mileage each time I fill the tank, yet I have never used that information. I am tempted to just quit doing so, just for the change of routine it would be.
I used to be pretty compelled to go through the exercise of balancing my checkbook and verifying my account every month when my bank statement arrived in the mail. I got knocked out of that habit, for better or worse, when my briefcase, containing both wallet and checkbook, was stolen from my car. All sorts of my routines were disrupted at the time and this is one that for some reason, I ended up never choosing to bring back. Now I randomly review the account online and when the statement is delivered, I don’t even look at it before filing it in a drawer. Maybe that’s an example of living in the moment for me.
I don’t know what the point of all that is, but certainly this rollover of the calendar year, that I rant doesn’t hold any more significance than any other day for taking stock in ourselves, has got me doing so anyway. Go figure. Maybe some of you will find it relative to your own routines today.
Happy first Monday of 2010!
Wading
.
wading
into the water
that is Sunday morning
immersed in blessings
beneath layers of blankets
inside the room looking out
at bright sunshine
on crisp below zero snow
enjoying the transition
of one song into the next
not simply
because we can
although that is true
but because
I simply must
to feel the hope
that lies here with me
feeding my soul
the things I can’t
even though I want to
for the rest of every day
of my life
.
What Resolve
Well, here it is, the second day of a whole new year and I can’t detect any difference from the world I was experiencing just a week ago. As a regular visitor to one of the local health clubs where I meet with friends three times a week to play soccer, I have been able to witness the annual January influx of new resolve many years in a row. It lasts about two weeks. All of us regulars laugh at the phenomenon. And we suffer it. In January our routines get knocked all out of whack while the new people who have no routine yet, enter our world and push us out of our normal parking places, crowd our regular locker bays and use all the towels.
I would love to be surprised this year and have them all stay for the whole year. And I wouldn’t mind one bit if they didn’t make it through the week, if you know what I mean.
I am much more impressed when an individual chooses to make a resolution for their own reasons on their own time and not using the convenience of the turnover of a calendar year as the impetus to institute change. It probably has more chance of becoming an enduring change.
I’ll find out on Monday what sort of health club resolutions were made in my neighborhood. I should probably plan to head in early, but I haven’t made that resolution, so I’ll likely squeak in at the last minute, like usual.
Relative Something 