Relative Something

Imagine if your spouse sitting next to you in bed on a calm Sunday morning, grabbed one of the many layers of blankets and comforters piled thick to ward off the frigid temperatures of the Minnesota winter, and in a muscled pull to drag the blankets and tray of breakfast treats –caramel rolls, fruit, toast with jam, and coffee– closer to her breast to consume from the desired propped sitting position against the pillows, the aged fabric of the simple white down feather comforter suddenly rips open in a dramatically audible rupture revealing and releasing an explosion of its contents in every direction.

I have grown to believe that the person one chooses to partner with is less important than is commonly perceived when compared to the aspect of electing to participate in a monogamous relationship for the trials and rewards that are available as a result of doing so. The person I married is important, but if it wasn’t her or him, it would be someone else. And the issues I bring to the relationship would be the same ones, regardless. If I choose to address my issues by way of relating to one partner and doing so together with that person through the thick and thin of what choosing to do so entails, arriving to the resolved and enlightened perspective of some big issues I brought with me sure does give a sensation of having selected a perfect soul mate.

People who choose to run marathons experience personal trials that I tend to avoid, by choice. I have no doubt that I would learn something about myself if I were to undertake that challenge. I would need to wait for the perfect marathon though. If one got hard on me, I could quit. Pick another one later. If I can’t get over whatever my problem is, I could just avoid marathons. I like myself just fine, without running marathons. Maybe I’ll just run 10K’s, ‘cuz I like the rush I get from running, but I don’t want to face the part of me that needs to learn about the full distance. It doesn’t really matter what marathon I choose as much as it matters whether I want to do the work to learn about myself and change part of me to become better able to run the race. And in the end, it is not as important that I would then know how to run a marathon –many people can do that– but that I gain insight about myself and grow in ways I might otherwise not have.

Most critical in determining the right person for the life-long partnership to do the work you decide to face would be their equal mindset to understand that entering a long term monogamous relationship is an exercise in facing things about oneself that wouldn’t be the same issue if not partnered and that doing the self-learning and growing as a result in the arena of relationship is de facto required.

In my life story, I have reached the place in such a relationship where our laughter together is illuminated with brilliant colors born of fire and rain that reveal the rainbow colors that sparkle in all the little down feathers that float above the breakfast in bed.