Relative Something

I don’t know why, but for years I have had a tendency to leave lights off when I move around the house at night. In particular, for some reason that eludes me, this habit pertains mostly to the stairs and hallway toward the bedrooms on the second level. I don’t think there is a night when I climb those stairs empty handed. I almost always carry up a full cup of filtered water from the kitchen tap. Why do I persist in doing it in the dark?

It’s just plain silly. Sometimes I find myself feeling the steps with my feet in attempt to avoid a misstep. When I get to the top, I open my eyes wide and wonder if this is what it is like to be blind, except I am waiting to pick up a hint of light from a window or clock as I walk, in order to maintain my bearing toward the center of the hall. Once I reach the bedroom, I don’t hesitate to turn on a light. But during the trip up, I choose the dark. What’s up with that?

Honestly, I don’t have any justification for this behavior, but it does occur to me that I am disinclined to flip a light on, just to switch it off again a few steps away. Why? I don’t know. Am I worried I’ll wear out the switches? One could suggest a night-light in the hall, and I wouldn’t be able to argue against it, except to explain that there are no outlets on the walls of the hallway. The truth is, had I not chosen to write about it, I really don’t ever give the practice any thought beyond the moment I am doing it. Writing this is more time on the subject than I’ve ever considered, by far. Usually, it consists of a passing question to myself as I am in the middle of walking in the darkness, and then it is out of mind as soon as I reach my destination and get on with a typical evening’s ritual. So, other than just now, I never actually bother looking for a solution to this questionable practice.

I’ve revealed a classic opportunity to make a conscious choice toward continued self-improvement. Install a night-light somewhere.

This morning, while snuggled in bed during the transition from asleep to alert, the thought occurred to me that I suck. Really. As I was lying there, I became aware that I hold my mouth under a bit of suction. As far as bad habits go, I assume it’s  better than grinding my teeth, but what kind of rest am I getting if I’m tensing muscles? Maybe it’s a carry over of the stress from the night before, getting upstairs in the dark.